▶ Your Answer :
Numerous
books giving life lessons are overflowing in
book stores. A lot of people are dependent on writers’ advices and try to find
answers of their problems in some phrases of these books. Of course, the writers would struggle to
give every reader a magic answer, but and
it is literally impossible. We all confront diverse matters every day.
Sometimes, it would be easy to decide and sometimes are not. Some
might think that to make a the best decision,
they have to share the problems with others or read some related books.
However, I believe that we have to make important decisions alone. Following are the two reasons why I support
this. (굳이 books를 명시할 필요는 없다고 생각합니다. 다른 방법으로 인트로를 쓰시는 걸 추천 드려요.)
First,
the person who can decide the best option is the very ‘I’. First, the person who can make the best decision is himself. Every
person has a specific historical and cultural background. Even close people
cannot know all about our someone else’s
background. Based on our experience and history, we are naturally able to know
what choices positively affect our future. In case of mine my case, I was on the matter of whether I should go to
Malaysia or the United States to study English. At the time, my seniors
recommended me to go to the States. However, I
knew that I could get along more with Asian
students than Americans as I have learned about
the history and culture of Malaysia. Finally, I went to Malaysia and I could be
easily familiar with the people in the country as I have had expected.
On top
of that, we should decide on my our matters
ourselves, since
that makes us more responsible and practical. When we follow others’ decisions without enough consideration by our own, we would
have no chance to practice to consider considering
which would be better options. This will make us dependent persons. Furthermore, a
dependent person attributes to others. According
to a research by Seoul National University, those who are dependent on others
are less responsible on their matter than independent ones. That is because
dependent people tend to take have a less
sense of responsibility since they just follow others’ decisions. Therefore, they regard their failure as others’ faults.
To conclude, nobody can know me more than myself, and I should be
responsible with my choices. Even though we fail, we could learn good lessons
from the experience. Therefore, we would decide a better choice in next
time. (결론이 매우 부실합니다)
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
21 |
Overall
Comment: |
Good try. 인트로랑 결론이
아쉽습니다. 전체적으로 포인트는 잘 잡아주셨어요. 문법 오류들이 많으니 위 지적사항들을 참고해 주시길 바래요. |
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