▶ Your Answer :
There are some people who believe that
teachers' opinions on social and political issues should not be exposed to
students in class. However, I personally believe that students should be exposed
to those leant opinions about the issues for two subsequent reasons. First,
youngsters are clumsy to form their own opinions. Second, even teachers have
different opinions on the issues among them. To begin with, young students are too young
to make their opinions. To be specific, they are inclined to think irrationally
and assert their opinion on the issues without any supporting ideas because
they do not understand the whole political and social system correctly. For
example, when I was in high school, I was opposed to an issue that government
should reduce corporate tax just because companies are rich. However, my
teacher at the time taught me how the economic system works and told me how he
thinks about the issue. He said that the reduced tax will stimulate the company
to employ more workers and use the money at promising investment opportunity.
His opinion enlightened me that I should think about other aspects of the
society. Thus, teachers' opinion helps students think about the issue in broader
perspectives. (GOOD) 밑줄 친 부분을 이유로 하여 1st body paragraph를 대표하는 sentence로 글의 순서를 바꾸는 것도 좋습니다. 학생들이 아직 의견을 형성하기에 어리다는 내용 + 선생님이 가이드를 줄 수 있다는 건 밑줄 친 문장을 뒷받침하는 좋은 세부 설명이 될 수 있습니다. On top of that, teachers' one-sided
opinions on social and political issues do not necessarily influence students.
This is because As students meet many different teachers throughout the
coursework from elementary to high school, they are more likely to meet diverse
teachers whose opinions differ among them. According to the research done by
the department of political science in Korea university, teachers have diverse
preferences on political parties, such as democratic and republic. This statistically significant is explained by the professor in the department. He asserts
that The differences among teachers on their political preference shows that teachers have many different views on social
and political issues. Therefore allow students to face varying opinions. After being exposed to different opinions, they develop
and reference other thoughts and think rationally by looking into different opinions they learned. and most desirably.
To sum up, youngsters are too young to
think correctly, and teachers have different opinions that students can
choose among them and develop their own ideas. In this regard, I believe that
young students should be exposed to various opinions on social and political issues.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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FAIR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD | - 2nd paragraph논리 develop에 있어서 (각자의 정치적 stance 를 가진 선생님을 다양하게 만나며 다양한 view를 얻을 수 있다) 는 내용을 앞에서 조금 더 명확하게 명시하면 논리적인 paragraph가 될 것 같습니다.)
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