▶ Your Answer :
Some people may think that movies and television have a negative impact on are negative for young people than they are positive for them. However, I think that movies and televisions have more positive effects on them young people. This is because they can give young people valuable lessons, and aid their emotional development.
To begin with, young people can learn valuable life lessons by watching movies and television. These media can show them justice will prevail in the end righteousness finally wins egregious existences or many poor and vulnerable people are scattered in the world. These exposure for young people can lead them to realize inequity unfamiliar facts which they have to care about, and foster sense of justice in their minds. According to a study conducted by the University of California, young people who had watched movies about injustice or which handled righteousness or news of people in need showed remarkable differences with those who hadn't in their mind. They responded in a survey that they should take care of vulnerable people around the world, or should keep pursuing justice in their life to live rightly. This can indicate that movies and television can provide young people with valuable lessons.
On top of that, young people can improve their emotional skills through watching movies or television. By watching dramas or movies, young people can empathize themselves with each character or scene in them. This can make them understand emotions of other people better and be more careful when interacting with other people. For example, when I was 10, I was a little bit selfish and not kind to people around me However, after I watched a movie that dealt with a theme, the importance preciousness of parents and friends' care, I started to change myself. While watching it During the movie, I continuously empathized with the main character who was unkind to others and saw his changes into a kind and warm person to his people. The exposure changed my mind that I could understand other people's hurt and emotions. Since then, I tried to be kind and started to yield myself to my friends, and finally I could get along with them well more pleasurably.
To sum up, people can learn important lessons through watching movies and television, and those media help emotional development of young people. For these reasons, I disagree with the statement that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.
채점기준표
|
Grammar
|
Contents
|
Example
|
Coherence
|
점수
|
2
|
3
|
3
|
4
|
Score
|
Fair 18-21
|
그래머나 어색한 표현들이 종종 보이는 것 같아요. 위에 교정한 부분 참고하셔서 잘못된 grammar 부분들 다시 확인해보시고, 예시로 든 movie부분에서 name을 실제로 제시해주시면 내용이 더 설득력있어질 수 있기 때문에 정확히 제시해줄 수 있도록 해주세요.
|
|