Opinions
differ on whether taking a long vacation for one time per year is better for students than taking
short several vacations or not. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that
having brief vacations for several times is better than once a year-long
vacation. The rationale behind this is that students can forget their knowledge
with long vacation and can stay physically heathy with several short
vacations.
To
begin with, students are likely to forget what they studied after a long
vacation. In other words, they can have problems to study when they come back
from a long vacation. There is a survey result that endorses my thoughts. (설문조사 대상, 몇 명이 동의했는지, 결과 등을 상세히 서술해주세요) It
was carried out a few years ago, and absolute majority sided with the reasons
as I mentioned above. A high school student said in the survey that he had a
long vacation for 3 months few years ago. He added that he forgot all kinds of knowledge such as history event when he came back to school, and he had a
hard time adjusting to school after break. A high school teacher mentioned in the survey that she would not recommend
a long vacation to parents. She added that she used to see a lot of students
suffered in adaption to having difficulties to find their original biorhythm at school after having a long vacation. This implies that
a long vacation can affect the school work of students negatively.
On
top of that, students can stay healthy with several short vacations. If there
were only one long vacation per year, students would be vulnerable to a lot of
disease due to lack of rest. There are numerous examples to support my idea.
Among them, this representative case shows why I asserts brief vacations are
better. (주제를 크게 뒷받침한다고 보기 어려운 불필요한 문장입니다) When I was in high school, I often got a cold and had allergy reactions. allergy diseases.
Because there were a lot of competitions among colleagues, I had to study very
hard, having four hours of sleep a day. However, I could get over this in a safe way
by having several vacations. I had three-day vacation once a month and was able to relax more than ever and relieve my stress. This shows that brief vacations are better to
keep students be healthy.
To
sum up, students can forget their knowledge with a long vacation and stay
heathy with brief vacations. In this regard, I strongly believe that taking
several short vacations is better for students than a long vacation.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 이유와 예시 간 연결해주는 부연설명이 다소 부족합니다. 이를 보충해주세요.
- 1자리 숫자는 four/three등 풀어서 작성해주세요.