Some people argue that it is better good (무언가와 비교하고 있지 않으니 better보다 good를 써주세요) choice for people to gain information from celebrities, magazine or friends when they purchase something. However, in my opinion, this perspective is not true for two following reasons which I am going to elaborate. One reason is that searching information when they purchase something makes people save a lot of time. Another reason is that, in the world we live in, there are many online sites to get information. (두 가지 이유가 너무 비슷합니다.)
To begin with, when they buy something, it is required more favorable for people to gain information from online sites rather than other methods since it enables people to save their time. To explain, if one meets with other people to listen for any commendation, they always have to spend many some time. However will time wate wait for you? The answer will be no (안 어울리는 문장들입니다.). In the world we live in, time is gold. Since we cannot turn time back, we always need to read many reviews in a short period of time. A survey was conducted by UCLA's research department. The survey participants were composed of one hundred current workers. They were asked that about how do you they gain information about something whcih you which they wanted to buy. The result showed that 78% of the participants answered that they read a lot of revieiws reviews in many sites. They also said that they were so busy with their work in the office, so they did do not have enough time to meet other people or read diverse magazines. Thus, watching reviews quickly saved a significant amount of time. The remaining 22% had claimed that they talk about many things related to that they want to buy with their friends. (이건 굳이 안 넣어도 됩니다.)
On top of that, nowadays there are many types of sites to watch reviews rapidly in a short time. (위 주장과 비슷합니다.) In detail, the Internet enables people to gain many a lot of informations which cannot be gained by one's own effort. Google, You-tube or Naver makes allows people to see a lot of reviews quickly and easily. When I was in high School, I had a hard time adapting to a new school that I transferred to since my fashion is was not good. I had trouble hanging out with peers. Going to school is was merely a daily routine. However the teacher gave me a lot of tips about searching information about trends or fashion by using the Internet. So I did this advice right away. Over time I became interested in fashion trends and have gained many friends. Come to think of it, it was a turning point in my life.
On the whole, I believe I accurately demonstrated my point of view on this matter. To sum up, by reading reviews, people can save a considerable amount of time. Also there are many sites to see reviews easily in the present day. In this regard, I think as far as purchasing is concerned, there is no better way than reading reviews from online.
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문법 오류가 너무 많습니다. 위
지적사항들을 참고해 주시길 바랍니다. 전체적인 문법 연습이 필요하십니다. 그리고 Reason A 와 Reason B 가 너무 유사합니다.
같은 말만 반복적으로 하시는 것 같아서 설득력이 부족합니다. |
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