▶ Your Answer :
Opinions might be divided over the statement that it
is more important to have an ability to relate well to do others than the ability to doing
well in school to succeed. People of various ages and from different walks of
life may take different positions. Some people
would argue that the ability to relate well to do others is more
important because it is one necessary factor to be successful in the workplace. However,
in my opinion, doing well in school is more important to be successful in one’s
future job with following reasons.
To begin with,
by doing well in school, we can learn more specialized knowledge which would be
helpful in the workplace.
But people without their professional skills often face to having
troubles in finding jobs from the first start.
For example, my brother JH did not graduated from major university and
did not have a good grade in academic performance so he had to spend a hard time to get a job. A few weeks ago, I have read an
interesting article related to this topic in the Dong-A daily newspaper that
most of HR managers consider their academic
performance when hiring since they believe employees who have sufficient
knowledge would have better understanding at work and make themselves adjust in
their place with a short time.
On top of that, one who did well in school is likely
to do work efficiently and effectively. Because in order to do well, people
should consider many things like how to manage time and what must be done first
when they solve the problems. They should have to give an every their best efforts on
what they are doing. Through this experience, they can be trained on how to manage work. Ultimately this would help in
many ways in the workplace. For example, when a senior gives a task
that needs to be completed within a short period, he might be able to finish it
within the deadline because he had well trained well
on how to manage tasks in order and solve
the problem in proper ways through his experiences in school.
To sum up, by doing well in school, we can gain great
potential ability to work well in our workplace. Still many companies are looking for their
employees with high academic achievements in their college. Because they
witnessed that employees who did well in school, they were more
prominent in every aspect than who did not. Thus I believe doing well in school
will be more successful in the workplace.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Good (24-30)
Overall Comment:
글의 argument도 좋고 흐름도 좋습니다. 포인트도 좋았고, 읽을 때 부담이 안 갔습니다. 적절한 용어들을 사용해주셨어요. 다만 아주 사소한 문법 실수가 잦으니
고치시면 더 좋은 글을 쓰실 수 있을 거에요.
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