▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that having a pet is the best way for a child to learn to be responsible. They may think that caring for pets gives many chances to learn responsibility to children. However, in my opinion, it is not a good means that children having pets to learn responsibility is not a good way because it can be dangerous for pets and children can get diseases easily. First of all, it can be hazardous for pets. Since children do not know how to raise pets, children’s behaviors can make their pets get hurt and cause their deaths in extreme cases. For instance, my friend’s parents bought a dog for my friend as her birthday gift. However, it was her first time to have a pet, and she did not have any knowledge about a dog. One day, she gave the dog her chocolate to feed him. That night, the dog was getting sick and her parents took him to a veterinarian. My friend said that she did not know that dogs should not eat chocolate and it almost made her dog dangerous. On top of that, children can get diseases as well. Generally, young children have weak immune systems and are more liable to be infected. Therefore, they can have many diseases because of their pets’ spit, hair, and waste. I can take my experience as an example. One day, my mother brought a cat from her friend’s house, and she said the cat can be my best friend. As time passed by, I became familiar with taking care of a cat. However, one day, I felt that my eyes were itchy and turned red. An eye specialist said I got an eye disease. I was infected with the virus through the hair of my cat. To sum up, I believe that raising pets is not the best idea to teach responsibility to children. This is because it can make the pets dangerous and children can be infected to disease more. Therefore, I believe that ~ (마무리 문장을 넣어 결론을 좀 더 풍부하게 작성해주세요.)
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- Minor grammar mistakes 도 감점요인이기 때문에 조금 더 신경써 주세요. - 주장/예시 등이 잘 작성된 글 입니다. 수고하셨습니다. |