▶ Your Answer :
I disagree with the opinion that
teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than they
are today.
First, teachers nowadays are less
valued because new technology allows students to improve their academic
performance. Compared to the past, today’s society, with the advent and spread
of Information Technology such as the internet and smartphones, is overflowing with
information. Therefore, it gives them easy access to information related to
knowledge and skills they need. This tends to bring a better result in
examinations. For instance, according to research conducted by Harvard
University in 2007, a huge difference was shown between two groups of high
school students ; One consisted of students who obtained the necessary
knowledge through the internet, the other was those who learned from teachers.
Many researchers found that the former is likely to have a higher score on
their SAT than the latter. A research reports that the first group showed a
passionate passion in learning, a strong concentration and an ability to delay
gratification. On the other hand, the second group showed easily distracted,
attend the class passively and procrastination. This implies that students can
gain the knowledge they need without teacher's help. 앞에서 제시한 주장을 생각했을 때 교사가 꼭 필요하지 않을 정도로 요즘 기술의 도움을 통한 학습이 가능하다는점만 증명하면 되기 때문에 굳이 교사에게 배운 아이들보다 인터넷으로 공부한 아이들이 '더 나았다'라는 결과를 가져오는 건 조금 어색하지 않을까요? 흐름을 완전히 방해하는 것은 아니지만 비약적으로 느껴질 수 있을 것 같아요. 교사를 꼭 거치지 않아도 정보를 얻을 방법이 많아져서 교사에게 직접 배우는 것보다 다양한 인터넷 컨텐츠를 통해 직접 공부하는 학생의 비율이 늘어났다는 것을 보여주는 사례를 제시하는 것도 방법이 될 수 있을 것 같아요.
Second, teachers nowadays are less
valued this is because the trend of modern society is inclined toward
creativity and diversity. Unlikely the past, many jobs require students to have advanced knowledge and creativity to generate novelty. In this modern society,
the traditional education methods of teachers make students feel that knowledge
obtained by teachers are getting less important in their life. This modern
trend makes teachers less appreciated than they were in the past. For instance,
when I was a high school student, I wanted to be a food stylist. I thought that
the traditional knowledge learned from by a my teacher in school was not necessary for me to
realize my dream. So, I gave up the school and went go to study abroad. I was absorbed
in studying on cook and food design. After five years, I realized dream and I
became a food stylist. '유학'을 가서 '배운 것' 역시 선생님에게서 배웠다는 추측이 가능하기 때문에 모순으로 보일 수 있지 않을까요? 직접 현장에서 일하면서 푸드스타일링을 배웠다거나 하는 식으로 조금 자세한 정보를 주는 게 좋을 것 같아요. This example shows that teachers's conventional education
ways do not play an important role in obtaining advanced professional
knowledge.
All things considered, I disagree with the statement for the reasons
I mentioned above.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (1-16) Fair (17-23) Good (24–30) ✓
기술발전으로 교사의 도움 없이 공부할 수 있게 됐고, 경험이 더 중시되는 사회 분위기 때문에 교사의 지식전수가 크게 중요하지 않아졌다는 점을 정말 잘 생각하신 것 같아요. 기본적인 흐름이나 작문은 전반적으로 모두 좋았지만 내용이 필요 이상으로 많이 서술돼서 흐름에 맞지 않거나 모순되는 부분들은 다듬어주시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다! |