▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that
an ability to work alone in nowadays is much more crucial to live in a modern
society than the past. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for
the two subsequent reasons. First, work tasks are more complicated than they
were before. Second, tasks are too burdensome to handle alone. To begin with, the number of the competition among the
companies to survive in the modern society has been increasing. To be
specific, strategies such as marketing and financing are so complicated that
one cannot deal with the projects or tasks alone, and that is why most companies
have departments and teams. According to a recent study done by a business
department in the Seoul national university, only 10 percent of the employees
in the small and medium sized companies work together, and majority of them work
alone because their job is not complex. The percentage is much lower in the
larger-sized and listed companies. This result shows that companies encourages
employees to work together and this trend is correlated with the firm's size:
the bigger the company, the more the complicated work. --> 경쟁을 논하다가 갑자기 task 가 complicated한 내용을 이야기하기보단 업무가 과거에 비해 기술 발전으로 인해 혹은 다른 이유로 인해 복잡하게 변하였는지에 대한 내용을 서술하는 것이 논리적입니다. On top of that, tasks are too much to
handle alone. This is because, Along with the complexity of the job
aforementioned, projects are getting bigger these days. For example, in
financial firms, the team which deals with the M&A requires specialized members such as
accountants, lawyers, business analysts, marketers and financial managers when they plan to acquire and merge two unlisted companies. They
form a group to deal with many works in several areas together at a same time. This
project could not be done if one try to work itself. --> 어떤 종류의 사람이 참여하는 것이 중요한 것이 아니라 "too much to handle"이 정확히 무슨 의미를 차지하는지 어떤 내용을 담고 있는지에 대해 상세하게 설명하고 이에 맞는 예시를 제시해야 합니다. 현재 too much to handle = too broad 입니다.
To sum up, since tasks and projects in
companies are intricate, and enormous co-working is becoming more important. In this regard, I
believe that one's ability to work together is essential in living today's
competitive modern society.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 이유를 조금 더 상세히 elaborate할 필요가 있으며 논리적이고 specific한 이유를 제시해야 합니다. |