Letting a friend make a mistake is better
than taking action that risks destroying a friendship
I believe that friendship is (the) superior aspect
(factor in life) above any other ones which
relate(s) with
(to the) humanism based on union (unity).
We cannot live without friends among societies
(in the society), and sometimes we can earn the
matchless value (please elaborate) from our
friends. Then how (do) we solve the problem when
we face the trouble within our
friendship? My answer is (that) we have to make (have) a
conversation inside the line that (even though this) can hurt our feeling. In other
words, I would not just let my friend (make) a
mistake if he (she) makes a mistake.
I believe (that)
a friendship is compromised with (composed of?) trust, so we should not lie to each
other. If we really care (for) our friends, we
have to lead them as a (to the) right
way. Sometimes that conveys (bears) the risks (of) hurting
friend’s feeling, but soon that is really easy
to disappear (will disappear soon). For example, when I was a
student in a middle school, I told my friend to quit smoking. He
believes that smoking looks cool and just for
fun, but I think (thought) that (it) was (is) illegal
and (a) bad behavior for (a) student. Our relationships have
(has) frozen since that time, but as time goes (went) by,
we have re-united (Were you guys a couple? If not, “became friendly once again”)
in high school. During a conversation, I knew
(learned that) he had felt really thanks (thankful)
when I told him, and I heard he had quitted since that moment.
Moreover, people are progressed by
their friend’s advice. We meet and make countless relationships among (during) our lives (life), but only
few of those (are) maintained. Indeed, those
relationships affect broadly on our lives. Many of effects (are) relate(d) with (to → “relate
with” = sympathize with) building our
characteristics, in that way, friendship is the most important relationship.
One of example is peer pressure. We learn from many of our behavior from
friends of lifetime. Sometimes it does not work, but almost in many groups,
peer pressure lead someone to good side.
(영어에 조금 자신이 있는 분들이 에세이를 시작할 때 화려하게 시작하려고 합니다,
but most people are doing this under the risk of giving a negative first
impression to their readers by decorating it with mistakes instead. 이런 곳에서는
충분히 다양한 시도가 가능하지만 진짜 중요한 에세이를 쓸 때는 조금 조절하시라고 말씀 드려도 될까요? ^^;;
As the essay comes to the end, it lost its focus. I think you didn’t finish the
essay yet. You DO need a conclusion for TOEFL essays)