▶ Your Answer : Various opinions may exist over the
argument that today's people are less friendly than those were in the past. As far
as I am concerned, I am in complete agreement with the argument. The two ideas
stated below can be vital evidence to support my view.
Above all, people nowadays are stressed out
from busy schedules, which enables people to get angry. People today are living
in a world of meritocracy where only extremely qualified people can survive. Consequently,
many people suffer physically and mentally from tight schedules and highly competitive
environments. These are very stressful for many people. Therefore, people these
days are less friendly than those were in the past. A research conducted by a
renowned professor named Paul Waddell from Berkeley University indicates that
today's people often get stressed from busy societies, which means that people
do not have smile face, kindness and politeness. However, in the past, many
people are very friendly because they did do not have busy schedules and have
emotional relief, which give have a good chance for them to have good relationships
with others. Thus, more stress from competitive society make today's people
less friendly.
On top of that, the development of
technology provides people with less meeting, which means that today’s people
have less sociability and less friendliness y. Over the past few decades, many
communication means such as SNS and smart phone applications have been
developed. As a result, people do not need to meet and talk to each other
directly because they can contact and communicate with various communication
means such as SNS or e-mail. This made mind-wall or distance between people.
Let me bring up my personal story as an example. When I was in high school, I
had a lot of people. I spent most time playing sports and enjoying plays with
my friends. However, I became a university students and I could not often meet
to high school friends. So I usually talked them by using SNS or e-mail. At
first, it was fine, but as time went by, I felt it was easy to get angry and
upset. Because there were more mistakes through texts and distance words mistakes made me less friendly. For these reasons, I did
not get along with my high school friends.
In conclusion, people nowadays are less
friendly than those in the past.
Good (24–30)
첫번째 본문 -문맥에 맞게 동사 시제 써주세요. -내용 괜찮습니다.
두번째 본문 -두번째 줄에서, sociability 와 병렬구조로 friendly가 아니라 같은 형태인 명사 friendliness 로 써주세요. -예시가 이유와 잘 부합하지 않습니다. less meeting 때문에 friendly 해지지 않는다는 이유인데, 예시는 실수와 감정때문에 소원해진다는 내용입니다. 좀더 SNS의 편리함이 어떻게 오히려 부작용을 가져왔는지에 대한 예시를 써주세요.
전체적으로 문법 실수도 많이 없으시고 내용도 보충할 점은 있지만 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~ |