▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that the government should put emphasis of
its budget on economic development rather than on environmental protections.
However, in my opinion, the protection for the environment is more important
than the development of the
economy. This is because it is very difficult to recover the environment
again and keeping in the ecosystem in good shape
good eco-system can make grant
lots of profits.
To
begin with, the importance of the environment should never come second place.
Once the environment is destructed, being restorable restoring it back is a very difficult problem. A
survey conducted by the Ministry of Health is a good example of this. The
researchers have tracked the change of one place where there are lots of oil factories
over a 10 year period. What they found was not wonder surprising, but rather expected. It was just what
you expected. The environment was getting worse and many animals started to
leave that place. After 10 years later, no creatures lived there. Also,
even though the factories tried to observe preserve
the environmental criteria and run a business considering the
atmosphere, it never happened for animals to come again the animals never came back. Therefore, if we think
care about the next generation to come, we must
do everything that we can in order to prevent preserve
the environment.
On top
of that, the government can earn lots of profits by keeping in good
environment the environment in good shape.
There has been lots of cases that were developed as an attraction in many
countries around the world. My nation, Korea, is one of them. An event
illustrates my point very well. I would like to mention the "Chungju Eco-friendly Project" that resulted in a huge success. A few years ago, Chungju, one of the
cities in Korea, was selected as a subject for this plan, since it was not
damaged by people and was famous for its nature.
The purpose of the project was to transform this city into a tourist site as
the environmental herb in Asia. The government had invested millions of dollars
on this project and it was effective. Thanks to the support of the government,
this city attracted lots of people in Japan, China, and so on. Now, roughly
8,000,000 tourists visit Chungju every year. This demonstrates that good
environments can be fairly profitable.
To sum
up, the eco-system should be prioritized because of its difficulty in recovery
and the possibility of making lots of money. In this regard, I believe that the
government should put its emphasis on the environment when planning the budget.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
17 |
Overall
Comment: |
Good! 글의 포인트는 잘
잡아주셨어요. 예시도 좋았고요. 템플릿을 따라하지 않은 모습이 보기 좋았습니다. 하지만 문법 오류가 전체적으로 너무 많아서 감점을
드렸어요. 위 지적사항들을 확인해 주세요. 수의 일치에 조금 약하신 것 같습니다. |
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