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Opinions might be divided over whether nowadays it is easier to get proper education than (it was) before. People from different walks of life may take different stances on this contentious issue. Personally I believe that people nowadays can be educated more easily than in the past and there are two reasons that could validate my position.
First point that I would like to make is that computers and the internet help people get information about what they are interested in/ the field they have interest/ their area of interest more easily. Why do you think so? Supportive sentence 써주시면 좋겠네요~The internet has dramatically changed and is considered a daily necessity among us. As current technological advancements provide convenient services that were never dreamed of in the past, people will be able to do many things comfortably at home in the comfort of their home without going out/ with no need to go outside. For example, people will sit in front of their computer at home and search for any information without going to libraries or bookstores. Housewives will simply log on to the internet to enroll in cooking classes and click a mouse button to learn about new trend in fashion or horticulture. Students will attend classes through distance learning programs and communicate with their teachers via text messaging or video chatting services. 문단 전반적으로 supportive 하다기 보다는 그냥 열거하셨다는 생각이 많이 듭니다. 그리고 이번 문단에 드러난 교육받기 쉬워진 이유는 배우기 편해졌기 때문인 것 같네요. 그리고 supportive sentence 로는 오히려 첫 문장이 와야겠네요~ 컴퓨터와 인터넷의 발달로 집에서도 편하게 배울 수 있기 때문이다 라는 식으로요~
Another compelling reason is that children are provided with various educational opportunities and this will lead children to be better educated. Supportive sentence 가 와야될 것 같군요. 그리고 한 가지 더 말씀드리고 싶은 것은 이 내용과 위에서 열거하신 내용과 겹치는 부분들이 있는 것 같네요. 분명하게 구분하여 주시길 바랍니다. In the past, teachers can't make social or political view due to strict society. Lacking enough experience and knowledge, students often found it hard to make right decisions based only on what they learned from their text books.
Compared to this, nowadays as society has become open-minded, teachers can give their students some source/basis food for thoughts on those issues those issue 라고 써놓으시면 무엇인지 정확하게 알 수 없습니다. Current social issue 등 적절한 단어를 선택해주시길 바랍니다. by expressing their political and social views. A teacher of an economics class I took in high school is a case in point. Although the subject itself was dull and the textbook just focused on delivering basic concepts, all of us enjoyed the class because of his insightful comments and unique perspectives. 여기도 처음 시작을 수정해보면 좋을 것 같네요. 서술하신 내용을 봤을 때, 배우는 것이 쉬워진 이유는 “자유롭게 의사를 표현할 수 있는 사회적 분위기가 조성되었기 때문” 이 더 적절할 것 같네요..
Through exposure to new ways of thinking, my views and opinions were challenged, and thus I was able to refine my knowledge and understanding. All in all, because of the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that people today find it easier to become educated than those in the past.
글 내용을 중심으로 첨삭해보았습니다. 수고하셨습니다~
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