I prefer watching movies to over reading fiction. There are several reasons for my opinion.
Intro를 더 길게 써 주셔야 해요. 한 문장만으로는 안됩니다.
First of all, movie represents shows visual images. To be specific, when we watch movies, we can see beautiful scenic scenes or and wonderful fantasy. In my case, my favorite movie is “The titanic”. The movie shows up love story in titanic. It looks like a real situation. So it helped me to absorbed into the film easily. I was moved(?) constantly. Over there If I read novels, I can’t might not understand the story clearly.
In addition, movie has sound effect. (Usually, movie uses sound effect.) It means additional music. For example, the movie “Twilight” has O.S.T. (Sound track 이라고 해주시는 게 좋아요.) It regulates movie’s atmosphere and I felt made me feel more relaxed. Also I am a person who enjoying listen enjoyed listening to the O.S.T music. I am always interested in music. Besides, it gives an impact on remember story(?). Still I can recalled movie scenes when I saw situation two years ago.
()안에 있는 파란색 문장은 앞의 문장과 같습니다. 빼 주셔도 됩니다. 파란색으로 된 ‘situation’이란 단어는 무엇을 refer하는지 알 수 없습니다. 정확한 설명을 붙여서 문장을 써 주시길 바랍니다.
Lastly, I can save so much time by watching movies. Because of reading novels takes at least five hours. But, watching movies takes one and a half hours. In my case, When I was high school student, I saw movie “twilight” and it just took two hours. But my friend wanted to read books. So she started to read series of books of series during mid-term exam period. She spent her time reading books rather than studying for exams. Eventually, she failed her tests and frustrated herself gave frustration to herself.
There These are reasons why I selected watching movies rather than reading fiction
Conclusion paragraph도 더 길게 써주세요. 앞에 말한 이유들을 간단하게 요약해서 마무리 해주시는 것도 좋은 방법입니다.
어휘구사가 좀 한정적이고 가끔은 make sense가 되지 않는 단어사용도 보입니다. 문장간의 transition도 신경 써주셔야 essay의 흐름이 끊기지 않습니다. 물음표를 해놓은 부분은 적절한 단어 choice가 아닌 부분이니 고쳐주세요. 내용적인 부분은 약간의 example을 더해서 조금만 보완해주시면 되고요. 문법적인 부분도 많이 신경 써주시길 바랍니다. 수고하셨습니다. |