▶ Your Answer :
While some people think that sometimes grades make students feel depressed, I think that grades encourage students to learn a lot for two reasons. <인트로 부분이 너무 짧은 것 같습니다. 인트로는 에세이에서 제일 중요한 부분입니다. 더 살을 붙여주시고, 특별히 전체적인 아이디어를 인트로를 통해 전해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다 ^^>
First of all, students concentrate on the class to get good grades. That is because usually tests deal with materials/lectures in class. Also, students have more opportunities such as choosing a university and receiving a scholarship when they have high grades. Therefore, they try to learn hard/enthusiastically in the class. <더 알맞은 단어를 써주세요~> However, students tend not to focus on the class, which do not give good marks to students. From personal experience, in my Japanese class from high school, it was class for fun. The teacher did not give marks to us and then we do not study hard in the class because it did not count on my grades even if I did not study. 좀 더 구체적인 예를 제시해주시면 좋을 것 같아요.
Secondly, grades make students do study at home. 왜 grade 가 학생들을 공부하게 만드나요? 이유에 해당하는 본인의 답을 써주세요~ supportive sentence 입니다. Actually, reviewing something is very important. That is because students are easy to easily forget what they learned if they do not review it. Therefore, grades also make students review what they learned and preview what they will learn in next class. For example, my brother did not study hard in midterm when he was in middle school and then he got low marks on the from the exams. Later, he wanted to be a student representative of the school in the next year. However, he needed great/exceptional marks for final transcript because students who wanted to be the position had some requirements in his school and grades were one of them. Therefore, he studied really hard at home. Finally, he could achieve his goal.
In conclusion, grades make students focus on their class and study hard. That is because getting good grades give many good chances to them. In this regard, I think that grades encourage students to learn.
글의 흐름이 clear 해질 수 있도록 supportive sentence 잊지 마시고 꼭! 써주시고요~ 적절한 단어를 선택할 수 있도록 영어로 된 글을 자주 접해보시는 것도 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |