▶ Your Answer :
I strongly
disagree with that people should not expect politeness from one another because
society has become busy and crowded. There are several reasons that I could
discuss to support my argument so I will limit my discussion to the two that
I feel are the most relevant to the topic.(-> 이렇게 틀에 박힌 문장은 권해드리고 싶지 않습니다. 외워서 쓰시지 않아도 maven 님의 생각이 충분히 드러낼 만큼의
실력이 되시는 것 같은데요~Maven 님의 언어만으로도 충분하다는 생각이 듭니다! ^^) Those reasons are education and friend.
First of all,
the most important reason for my feeling this way is the concept of education.
Most parents
do not want their children to be impolite people do not want to
become their child impolite. This actually reminds me of a study that I read
a few months ago in the Joong-Ang Newspaper conducted by Dr. Nam, who is an
expert in regarding education. The study said that 79.8 percent of respondents, who
are parents aged from 30 to 50, year old parents wanted to educate their
children be educated their child polite. The reason for
this is
that
they were educated by their parents like this. I thought that this is
interesting because my parent has taught me to be polite person to others.
문장을 길게 쓰시긴 했는데요.. 문제는 요점이 정확하게 드러나지 않습니다. 부모들이 아이들을 공손하게
키우길 원하는데 그 이유가 그들이 그렇게 교육을 받았기 때문이라는 내용이 전부입니다. 그렇다면 왜 부모님의
부모님들을 자녀들을 공손하게 키우셨을까요? “왜 공손하게 키웠느냐” 를
설명하고 설득력있게 쓰는 것이 핵심 포인트입니다! ^^
Another reason
for my argument is friends. People might gain or lose friends depending on their
own attitudes. If people become unkind to others, people will have no
friend. I am sure that this is true for many others and I can just talk about
my own life to show how this is correct. When I was in high school, I thought
that people irritated me and I had no politeness to others. Lather, I had few
friends and were always alone. Now, I realized/know that if I treated them
politely and respectfully have politeness to others, I would will have good
relationship with them.
In conclusion,
I think that these reasons should adequately explain and support my position on
this prompt.
결론 문장이 약합니다. 서술하신 내용을 종합적이고 포괄적으로 한번 더 표현해 주는 것이 결론의 역할입니다. 내용을 조금 더 보충하셔도 좋겠습니다.
수고하셨습니다~ ^^ |