▶ Your Answer :
Opinions might be divided over whether all of the students take the art and music classes like science and math classes. People from different walks of life may take different stances on this issue. Personally, I believe that taking the art and music classes has advantages for students(,) and there are two reasons that could validate my position.
The first point that I would like to make is that we can develop our sentimental feeling. It Is is a well-known fact that most people have their own feeling and that is truly necessary. So we need to develop raise our feeling. A recent study by the Korean National Research Center found that raising our sensibility is significant. The study pointed out that raising own sentimental feeling is helpful to do their work or study. To be more specific, students in young children’s school are too young to build their there own feeling. This clearly illustrates that taking the art and music classes help students to study well. 음악과 미술 수업을 통해서 사람들은 감정을 표현하는 방법을 배울 수 있다 라는 내용이 나왔으면 좋겠고요~ 이를 보여주는 예시까지도 제시해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
Another compelling reason is that we could do (뭘 할 수 있다는거죠?) with rest. (supportive sentence 여기에 써주세요~ 첫 번째 문장이 왜 그러한지를 뒷받침해주는 문장이요~ 바로 example 로 들어가지 마시구요~) Take my experience as an example. When I was young, one day, first class was math at the school. I was so tired of studying math so I did not want to study next class. But fortunately, next class was music and I became happy(.) because I could enjoy studying with no pressure. As result, I thought that art and music classes are absolutely necessary. If I had not attended music class, I could have stressed all day. (예시와 본인의 idea 를 잘 종합하셔서 끝맺음 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다.) (예시가 너무 단조롭다는 생각이 듭니다.)
All in all, because of the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that art and music class are certainly essential.
구체적으로 글을 쓰시는 연습을 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 개인적인 이야기를 예로 쓴다고 하더라도 specific 하고 unique 한 것을 쓰시는 것이 더 좋을 것 같다는 생각이 듭니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |