▶ Your Answer :
Most people keep their friendship with their old friends, and, at the same time they make their new friends. Some people say that it is more important to keep old friends than to make new friends. Others have the opposite opinions. However, Among many positions on this issue, I agree with the statement because old friends are more comfortable to be around, and very helpful when people have problems.
Statement을 찬성하는 입장과 반대하는 입장 둘 다 이야기해준 다음에 However, ~. 하면 자칫 헷갈릴 수가 있어요. 그러니 제가 위에 썼던 것처럼 However대신 “Among ~ issue” 이렇게 써주시던가, 아니면 꼭 “However”을 쓰고 싶다 하시면 글쓴이님의 의견과 반대되는 의견만 이야기 해준 다음에 써주세요.
First of all, for most people, their old friends are generally more comfortable to spend time with than new friends. Old friends know their friends well because they have shared many experiences and time together. For example, if a friend makes a mistake, his or her old friend would understand and forgive their friends him or her (처음에 단수형으로 시작했으니 계속 통일) easily. Old friends are still able to see that their friend is good and rather than judging not judge their friends by such mere mistake. because of an error. Therefore, they can freely talk about any subject with them. then, he or she has comfort with their old friends because they know each other well.
Second of all, when people have problems, his or her their old friends would give their hands a hand firstly. And they would tell give useful advices that are just right for their friends as old friends know best about their personality, background and so on. based on knowing his or her background. On the other hand, new friends may be hesitant to give advice because they do not know each other well also they don’t know about his or her history (history는 생략하셔도 될 것 같습니다). Furthermore, the advice from old friends is very practical and thoughtful. This is because they understand their friend’s past experience. Then, they can make suggestion that match their friend’s personality. They already have an understanding of what actions would be beneficial to their friend. In other words, old friends can give most practical and thoughtful advice.
Furthermore 부터 전에 이야기했던 것과 완전 중복인데요? 이 자리에 예시를 적는 건 어떨까요.
In conclusion, I strongly support that old friends are more essential than making new friends. Old friends give comforts to their friends, and help their friends when he or she is in trouble. Moreover, old friends know each other well as they have shared many experiences together and his or her friends know each other’s backgrounds well. their friend’s back ground. Therefore, they can give the most suitable answer to their friends. Therefore, old friends are those who are much more crucial than new friends in one’s life.
바디 문단 둘 다 예시를 안 적어주셨네요. 예시가 필수인 것은 아니지만 바디의 주장을 더 strong하게 해줍니다. 예시를 적는 것이 되도록이면 좋겠지만 글쓴이님은 argument’s supporting sentences가 detail하고 설명력이 좋아서 꼭 필요하진 않을 것 같아요.
하지만 두번째 문단엣 furthermore하면서 다시 같은 말을 그대로 반복한 것이 정말 아쉬웠어요. 대체 왜 그러셨나요!?!?!? ㅋㅋ큐ㅠㅠㅠ
전체적으로 깔끔하고 이해하기 쉬운 좋은 에세이였습니다. J 단수 복수 통일해서 쓰는 점 유의해주세요.
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