▶ Your Answer :
Large percentages of adults talk about their childhoods. They enjoy the present; however they typically long for the past days. Reminicing (spelling check) their childhood days brings their them nostalagies (spelling check) back. In my opinion, childhood is the happiest time of a person's life.
Adults long for their childhoods. They wish that they can go back to compounds houses they used to live in, schools they used to attend, and places they used to hang out with their friends when they were kids. They try to get contact with their childhood friends or teachers. All these acts or even simply talking about their past can make them joyful. Obviously, my parents are not the exceptions. They love to talk to me about how they lived as childs children. They would tell me about special incidents they went through, but most of the times, the stories they tell me is are just their normal, ordinary lives life as children childs. They have told tell me how they managed to meet their friends without any cell phones or what they used to eat or do with their friends afterschool. I can see great pleasure in their eyes whenever my parents talk about the past. Thus, adults act of recollecting their childhood and being happy about it is the definite evidence that childhood is the happiest time in life.
마무리 문장을 하셔야 문단이 깔끔하게 끝나는 느낌이 납니다. 이 문장이 없으니 너무 급하게 예시로 끝낸 느낌이 나요.
In addition, Grown-ups want to go back to their past. It is natural of for humans kind to regret things they have or have not done. Lots of people desire to go back to the past and change somethings things. That is clearly why there are so many movies regarding time-warp or time-machines. As childs, people a child, one does not feel the burdensomes they feel or have as adults an adult. The stressful factors such as works, lectures (lecture보다는 좀 더 많은 사람들을 포함시킬 수 있는) study, or forming new family might exhaust the adults out. Although I certainly am not an adult right now, I would like to go back to the days when only things I had to think were 'what should I play now?' or 'who should I hang out with today?'. (마침표 생략하셔도 됩니다^^) Also, I hope to do things I have not done missed. Stressed out from the adult world, people typically view their childhood as the most comfortable and happy days of their life. (good ending sentence!)
새로운 문단으로 들어갈 때에 두 문단을 잇는 접속사가 필요해 보여요. 안 그러면 너무 갑자기 들어가는 느낌이 나요.
Overall, people long and wish to go back to their childhood. Some spend time thinking about those days; some pray that they can use a time-machine to go back and do, or not do things they regretted about or enjoyed. In most of the cases, the term 'childhood' brings good memories to people. As long as we are not thinking about the past all the time, remembering things we did before and laughing over it can make your life much more content and at ease. For these reasons, childhood is the best and happiest time among lifetime for people.
에세이의 두 바디의 주장도 straight to the point and clear하고 예시도 적절해서 이해하기도 쉬웠습니다. 하지만 좋은 문장력에 비해 grammar와 spelling mistake가 다소 많다는 느낌이 들었어요.
Transition words와 마무리 문장도 확실하게 하셨으면 좋겠습니다.
|