▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think that it is unfair for athletes and entertainers to earn tons of dollars every year. However, in my opinion, it is clear that athletes and entertainers is eligible to get millions of dollars every year. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
To begin with, sport stars and great entertainers contribute significantly to our society. This is on an account of the fact that athletes or celebrities who have earned millions of dollars generally are more likely to play an important role in civic pride and sense of unity in the society. For example, after her retirement, Kim Yeon Ah, one of the famous and influential sports stars in Korea has made a great contribution to hosting winter Olympic in Pyeoungchang, a small city of Korea. With her an enormous amount of effort, the Olympic committee approved of hosting the Olympic games in Korea. Not only that but she has continued to aid in preparing for this events. As a result, many people were touched by her passionate devotion. An important reason for this is that her reputation as a great sports star contributes definitely to a great increase in people's national awareness, civic pride, and the sense of unity.
On top of that, athletes and entertainers themselves make a huge investment for being on becoming successful in their own field. As many people already know, they always have had a strong competition with their tons of competitors around the words. Hence, they have to put their tons of money and time into developing to develop themselves to survive in strong competition. Thus, it is definitely reasonable that they make a fortune as a reward of their efforts and investment. For instance, my brother, an actor in Korea, has put a large amount of money and time into practicing acting and performing every year. To our surprise, the money that has invested in himself on him far outweighs what we would expect. After a couple of years, he came to become one of the most famous entertainers in Korea, thereby earning large amount of money.
Taking all of these things into account, what I advocate boils down to the assertion that it is really logical for sports stars and great entertainers to make a fortune. This is because not only do they contribute tremendously to social economy, but they also have made a lot of efforts in their field. Good: 24~30 점수: 25 전반적으로 에세이의 구조나 설명들이 잘 나타나어진 에세이였습니다. 다만 아쉬운점은 문법적인오류가 많았습니다. 특히 작성자께서 완료형 시제의 사용법을 햇갈려 하는 거 같으니 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 전체적인 플로우나 록직은 아주 잘 나타나어져 있었습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |