▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that learning about particular fields and jobs when students are in high school and universities is beneficial. However, in my opinion, I disagree with the idea that it is more beneficial since students do not have there is not enough time to study general subjects if they only learn about certain areas those things and it will give too much stress to the students. To begin with, when students are in high school and universities it is essential to study their general subjects. (Why essential?) They need to be more focused on learning the subject widely they need to study in order to graduate and get a good job. In addition, learning about particular fields and jobs will only distract them from studying and will take away the time. (What time especially, Why?) For example, when I was in high school I ran out of had very shortage of time even to study my general subjects. Since the subject that I needed to study was too much I had no time to watch TV or play games with my friends. (How can this sentence be the supporting idea?) I think most of the students nowadays are like this. They are already busy with studying for their general subjects and no time to spare to do other stuff. (No coherence) On top of that, giving requiring students to learn other things such as jobs will only stress make them stressed out. When people are still students and studying at high school and universities they are not yet certain about what kinds of job they will get. If in those institution, make students to learn jobs they will get confused and stress. What it means is that they will have a plenty of time to decide and experience after they finish studying and graduate. According to the article from New York Times it explains that most people tend to find different jobs from what they were thinking when they were students. Also people decided their job after they took their internship after graduation. This explains that there is an enough time to decide which subjects they will choose for their future jobs without getting stressed before it is not sure which job to get. To sum up, there is not an enough time to even study general subjects and learning other stuff rather than general subjects will be stressful. In this regard, I think people should only focus on studying general subjects when they are still students.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | Score | Limited 10-17 | - 불필요한 문장들이 상당 수 많은 편이에요.
- 첫 번째 내용은 글의 연관성이 상당히 미흡합니다. General subjects를 배워야 하는 주장과 설명에 대해서 제대로 언급하지 못하고 있습니다. - 두 번째는 논지보다 표현에 더욱 issue가 ㅁ낳습니다.
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