▶ Your Answer :
The growing environment of children is
crucial because it has great influence on the formation of intellectual and
social characteristics of children. In this regard, I strongly believe that the
advertisement which is directly aimed to young children should be prohibited.
There are some reasons for that as follows: There are several reasons; first, some advertisements can give
bad effects on children, and second, advertisements will make their parents
spend money unreasonably.
Above all, some advertisements show violent
images and these negative images affect to children easily To begin with, advertisement carries violent image that might negatively affects to children. As a result, the
children cannot grow up to be good people. For example, we can easily find
advertisements for action movies which show negative scenes such as physical
violence, abuse, and so on and abuse. The advertisements aimed to children also can show
these scenes. Growing children can mimic these activities without any
reluctance, and it will give negative effects on children's characters
consequently. However, as a member of
society, we have a duty to prevent our children from behaving improperly. Therefore,
advertisements for young children should not be allowed.
On top of that, young children cannot make
reasonable decisions by themselves. Therefore, advertisement can tempt children
easily, and so the children will make their parents spend money uneconomically.
In my case, when I was young, I saw an advertisement of a toy which was so cool
but very expensive. I was fascinated to that ad, so I begged my parents to buy
it. However, after I got the toy, I realized that it was not as funny as I
imagined. It means that my parents spent money in vain. In this regard,
advertisement aimed to young children can cause useless spending of money of
their parents.
To sum up, advertisements directly aimed to
children not only affect negatively on children's characters, but also let
their parents make unreasonable decisions. Therefore, companies should not be
allowed to directly advertise to young children. Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 전체적인 내용면에 있어서는 아주 구조적으로 잘 서술하였습니다. 각 바디의 예시들과 설명들도 좋았고요. 하지만 제 생각에 문제가 된다라고 느껴진것은 너무 불필요한 부연설명이 많습니다. 간결하게 본인의 의견을 전달할 수 있었는데 that절이나 여러 절들을 사용해서 에세이의 양을 많게 하려는 경향이 있습니다. 또한 각 바디가 짧기 때문에 좀 더 구체적인 설명이 들어갔으면 더 좋았을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |