▶ Your Answer : Some people think that famous athletes and entertainers do not deserve large incomes. However, in my opinion, the high salaries of celebrities are justifiable. This is because celebrities make people happy and they always practice. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, well-known entertainers and athletes give enjoyment to people. The reason is that people are touched and excited when they watch performances such as singing a song and playing games. For example, when I was in high school, I was depressed after exam. Thus, I decided to go to jazz concert. At the concert, I was able to change my mood by appreciating jazz songs and wathching playing an instrument. Therefore, I completely forgot my exam and totally enjoyed the performances. If I had not gone to concert, I still would have been depressed.
On top of that, athletes deserve to receive a lot of incomes because they exert more effort. They trained a lot to show a great match to a large audience. For example, my uncle, the professional soccer player, make the large amount of money. When he visited my house, I told him that my dream was a famous soccer player. After he listened to my dream, and told me about many aspects of soccer player including that most soccer players practiced at least 10 hours a day to prepare the game. Then, I thought that he received reasonable incomes. To sum up, entertainers and athletes make many people delight and practice a lot. In this regard, I firmly believe that they deserve to make the large amount of incomes.
Good: 24~30 점수: 26 군더더기 없이 매끄럽게 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요하게 보는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 아주 잘 서술하였습니다. 각 단락들이 자신이 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것을 알고 있기 때문에 잘 서술한 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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