▶ Your Answer :
It is believed that books is helpful to any people in the world. Because by reading it, people can extend their quality of mind. Since reading books extend the viewpoint of people, books have helped people in general (위 두 문장은 약간 이상하다고 판단이 되었기에 이렇게 바꿨습니다) However, If i given a chance to tell which one is better i will choose to read fiction type's books. And there are some reason to support my opinion. Among different types of genre, I personally believe, reading fiction movie is better for the following two subsequent reasons.
First, It help people to extend their mind and develop creativity fiction books help people to extend mind and develop creativity (it의 출저가 명확하지 않기 때문에 명확한 명사가 필요합니다). Contrary to old times In contrast to the past (old time보다는 past가 더 적절한 표현입니다), most people often said that creativity is essential ability in this life. in that reason, people desire to have creative idea and wide perspective (앞에서 설명을 했기 때문에 불필요한 문장입니다). To develop creativity, fiction books were considered more important than non-fiction books and their interest in the books increased. Unlike non-fiction books, It has no limited actual environment and people can read various world view likes space where monster exist. So many workers in movies and novelist often get an idea by reading fiction books and encourage to read the books.
In addition, it is much funnier to read than others fiction book is funnier All of non-fiction books intend to give plenty information which used in actual life. So the contexts of the books are boring and ordinary. So it can has its advantages that people can learn more precisely but i think that if they can't feel funny what they read, it will be hard for them to concentrate on reading.(앞 문장과 반복되는 표현이여서 필요가 없을 거 같습니다) In contrast, through reading fiction books , people can have fun time to read it and it bring them to learn something easily. For example, when people watched science movies called 'interstellar' they remember well than as they watched documentary this is because people usually remember well when they learn somethings by funny ways.
To sum up, fiction books give wide perspective view to people and that makes people be able to spread their idea freely. And they can learn more effectively because of the interesting story in the book. so these are the reasons why i prefer to read fiction books than non-fiction books
점수: 21 일단 지금 이 에세이의 문제점은 불필요한 문장들이 너무 많이 서술되었습니다. 개연성과 관계없는 부분도 많을 뿐 더러 전체적으로 에세이가 장황하게 되는 거 같습니다. 불필요한 문장들이 많았기 때문에 이 에세이를 통하여서 무슨 말을 전달하려고 하는 지 잘 모르겠는 듯한 느낌을 많이 받았습니다. 고쳐주시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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