▶ Your Answer :
A thought-provoking current issue concerns with whether young people are able to have more fun than those of elders. young people having more enjoyable time. Some people think that young people enjoy more fun life. However, in my opinion, the elder people are more advanced in enjoying life for the following subsequent reasons. To begin with, the older people have money. Since the olds elders have had worked worked more time than those of youngers, they should have more savings. To be specific, most of the things that people do to take leasure time requires money such as eating, traveling, shopping, and so on. Most activities require certain amounts of money. However, the younger people do not have significant savings. In order for them to do such activities they need to work and earn money which will take time and effort. For example, my parents worked very hard when they were young. Now they have a lot of savings for rest of their life.to rest their life My father just got retired from job last year and he goes traveling every month, taking massage, and buying the things that he been wishing for. Last time when my family was having dinner, I asked my dad is he happy. He replied me right now is the most happiest time in his life. On top of that, since the elders have more experiences, they know what makes them happy. Moreover, they know how to make themselves excited. The old people have lived more time than the youngers and during those time they should have went through a lot of things. It is for sure that they know exactly what makes them feel bored and what makes them feel enjoyable. For example, my sister is always eager to try new things such as playing games, bowling, soccer, and so forth. While, she does not enjoy all of it. It seemed like she is still searching for the things that she likes. Yet, my mother knows and she only tend to do the things that she enjoys. She playes golf but she does not play bowling. When ever our siblings asks her for bowling game she says she do not want because it is bored. To sum up, most of the elder people has savings and they know exactly what makes them excited. In this regard, the olders are able to have more fun in their life than youngers.
점수: 25 왜 나이가 더 든 사람이 젊은 사람보다 더 재밌게 인생을 살 수 있는 지에 대한 구체적인 답변을 보여주는 거 같습니다. 비록 비교적 많은 문법적 오류들이 보여지지만 지금 이 에세이는 설득력 부분에 잇어서는 아주 잘 서술한 거 같습니다. 각 단락이 자신이 무엇을 말하고자 하는 지를 잘 아는 거 같습니다. 특히 구체적인 설명과 적절한 예시는 에세이로 하여금 더 설득력 있게 만드는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |