People often undertake a position of leader at least once during their life lives. (:often하고 at least once during their lives가 내용이 충돌합니다. 그리고 뒤에 내용과는 사실 크게 상관이 있지 않으니 이 문장은 생략하셔도 ~) These days there are more leaders in a society, and each organization, so role of the leaders becomes more significant. (리더가 많아졌다고 중요성이 올라가진 않으니, 차라리 사회와 조직들이 커졌다고 하는게 논리적으로 맞을 것 같네요 ^^-These days, due to various reasons such as globalization, organizations are getting larger and thus, the role of the leaders are becoming more significant.) Good leaders have a function are able to accept all of the people in the group and harmonize with all of them. Besides, good leaders also have a consciousness to sacrifice for other people.
First of all, it is required for good leaders to unite other people and accept all people. Even though common people cannot accept or harmonize with some people who differ from others, good leaders should persuade those people and they should lead their group well. In short, good leaders should accept all kinds of people and situation although those things are hard. To illustrate, my father often says to me that he has tried to endeavor for encourage his employees by encouraging and praising their work. So I find that the reason why my father has managed his company well and win won respect is that he already has behaviors as a good leader.
**내용이 하나로 통일이 되지 않았어요~ 일단 파랑색 부분은 잘쓰셨는데요, 그 뒤부턴 내용이 다른 방향으로 흘러가요. "좋은 리더는 어떤상황에서든 구성원들이 서로 잘 어울릴 수있게 하는 것이다." 이런 내용이 뒤부턴 "직원들을 칭찬하며 격려해야한다" 그리고 마지막 문장은 "아버지가 좋은 리더로 행동하셨기 때분에 사업을 잘 하실수있었다." 이렇게 되는데 "우리 아버지는 harmonize를 잘하셨기때문에 좋은 리더고 그 때문에 사업 또한 잘 될 수 있었다." 이렇게 쓰셔야 더 맞습니다~ 파랑색 부분에 자연스럽게 이어지게 예제를 살짝만 바꿔주세요 ^^
Besides, good leaders often sacrifice and give mercy for others. They should perform a lot of good behaviors because leaders represent in some organizations. By doing this, other people would follow the leader and the group would evolve well. There is a leader who has ability as a good leader in my high school. The principal in my high school is always concerned with student’s condition about study, so he tried to enlarge library and set up a lot of extra-curricular. He even he bought a number of pens and notes to help for student’s study. From those bearings of my principal, students could receive good lessons and follow more as a good leader.
**근거 예제에 설득력을 더하려면 교장선생님이 예산으로 이렇게 하신게 아니라 자비로 직접하셨다 이런 내용을 추가해주세요~
마무리에서도 학생들이 이분께 많이 배우고 따랐다는 내용에 이유(희생정신)를 덧붙여주세요.
To conclude, in order to be a good leader, most important abilities are to make their organization harmonious and give lots of mercy and sacrifice as a representative person. As good leaders are required in recent days and their roles are bigger than before, they should endeavor not only to get a plenty of knowledge but also complete their develop a good personality. |