지난번 감자탕님의 첨삭에 눈이 휘둥그레~ 정말 대단한 사람들이라는 생각이 드네요.
이번 주제는 지난 6.22 기출주제인데, 실전처럼 해보자!하고 써봤습니다. 쉽지가 않더군요. 노 브레인 스토밍을 했던지라, 시간초과! 횡설수설.
그래도 염치불구하고 올립니다. 첨삭 / 평가 부탁드립니다. |
Many people believe that there are lots of ways to enhance people’s health like developing new medicine, exercising regularly and so on. In my point of view, for improving health of people, governments should take a way of concentrating on cleaning the environment. It is because that the most effective factor to enhance people’s health is a clean environment, and purifying environments is cost-effective way to solve the people’s health problem. First of all, a clean environment, especially an air, highly affects on people’s health in various aspects. People in ancient age lived in clear environment before the development for industrial era from 19C to 20C. They can breathed a fresh air and drunk a nice water from nature. Because there were no man-made pollutions, they can survive without certain pollutions generating diseases like these days. For example, according to a research by a professor in South Korea, a mean life longevity of Korean who lives in a definitely clean zone, called Ullueng Island in Korea, was over 90 year olds in 18C. It is related to the clean zone’s oxygen density in the clean zone. The professor explains that people in the clean zone which oxygen density is higher than other region could survive longer than other area’s people in that time. Also, after developing the Moreover, cleaning environment is the first method to prevent diseases and save money. All of countries try to develop new and well working medicines to cure diseases of people. In addition, there are a lot of studies about medicines which help to keep the mental and physical health. Those trials cost much money rather than money for preventing diseases. For example, there is a disease called, Ittai-Ittai, which is originated from a water including exceed heavy metal in In conclusion, the highest effects and the lowest costs would testify a reason why governments should keep going to concentrate their energy on purifying their countries and world. |