In recent days, people who keep a close relationship with their pets are thought to be usual and even they treat their pets as members of their family. This relationship can offer a chance to learn about animals and prevent loneliness as well.
First of all, people spend substantial amount of time taking care of their pets, which include providing a shelter, feeding nutritious food, cleaning their feces and training them regularly. These processes naturally enhance one's knowledge about animals. For example, a person who has a dog would knows the proper time when it feels sick or ill by examining whether something unusual traces are found in their feces. Another method is touching its nose because when a dog suffers a health problem its nose is not wet but avid(dry?). This information is gained through hands-on experiences and time spent in communication, and imply that people who have pets feature higher understanding of animals.(?: also indicates that people who have pets take the feature of higher understanding of animals or also indicates that people with pets are more able to understand animals)
Not only that, but pets can be a loyal companion to people. After coming back home from stressful daily work or school, people often feel exhausted and depressed. People can be relaxed with pets as a companion and attenuate the stress of the day by patting its soft furs on their lap. Pets can also be a great listener. People do not have to worry about spreading rumors, and pets can be truthful since they obviously cannot talk but listen. Complaints about their bosses or classmates and anxieties about their tasks or exams can be relieved by letting in all out(?).
In conclusion, since pets bring positive effects on people's lives intellectually and spiritually(mentally will be more natural if it should be with intellectually), it(?) should be appreciated and taken care of with love.( I am not sure but it means ‘ People should appreciate and take care of them with love’??) Despite many people who love their pets just like members of their families, there are people who are cruel to pets or abandon them just because they cannot speak. These behaviors should be strictly forbidden and under the supervision.
* 고칠 실력은 안되는데 저도 내일시험이라 공부하는셈치고.... 진정한 고수들이보시면 웃으실듯.
내용상으로는 이유 1,2 는 괜찮은 듯한데 예들이 좀 약한것 같고, 결론이 좀 뜬금없이 맺어지는 것 같아요
and 전후로 주어가 다른 문장들이 많고, 시제 동사 단복수 등을 맞춰보시고, 아니면 ,and 이런식으로 새 문장을 연결하시면 될 듯. 동사선택할때 좀 더 가까운 뜻으로 하면 좋을 듯해요 |