There are lots of reasons for people to attend universities.(주어가 복수면 목적어도 복수) University is where professional professors teach students numerous information correlated (서로 연관이 있을 때 쓰는 동사기 때문에 realted 라고 쓰는 것이 ..) to their major. (이 문장은 이유라기 보단 정의를 내린 어감이라 주어를 student로 바꾸는게 나을 거 같네요^^) In univerities, students can learn numerous information related to their major from professional professors. In addition to this, people can broaden their social relationship by meeting lots of friends in universities.
To begin with, people go to universities to gain more thorough understanding of a particular field of study.
When people grow up, and they become adult completely. (redundant한 내용 인것 같습니다. 아예 생략하시는 게 자연스럽습니다.) When people grow up, they need to work in many ways to earn money trying to and live more independently. (앞문장의 내용을 앞에 덧붙임)However, To work at many businesses, people necessarily it is necessary to learn lots of information related to their career, because people can be more expertise on master their specific field by when taught with they learn lots of information they need. (expertise:전문지식이라는 뜻의 명사; expertize on:전문적인 의견을 말하다)Universities hugely play this role,(이것또한 Redundant해서 뺐습니다) Without an universities, people had will have to study,or try to figure out the their career by themselves, but, this is really challenging, especially for people who even do not know what they had to getting in work areas they want in need to study for their career of interest.(:특히나 자신이 하고 싶은 일을 하려면 어떤 공부가 필요한지도 모르는 사람들에게 굉장히 어려운 일이다-이런뜻으로 쓰신것이라면 이렇게 쓰시는 게 자연스러울 것 같습니다^^) When people attend to universities, they first taught learn what aspects their major have through their professors. Then, people gradually learn about the details of their specific major day by day. In this way, they can get in to the right track of their careers by understanding it step by step.
Furthermore, People can make new friends and conatcts by attending universities.
In universities, there are lots of people having with diverse majors. People can make lots of contacts with these people by attending to universities. Especially Moreover, they can build great relationship with lots of friends majoring same things who are in the same major. ("특히"라고 쓰시면 앞에 내용에 관련된 사항이어야 되는데 다른 이점-같은전공 친구들-을 서술하시기때문에 "게다가"를 쓰시는게 자연스럽습니다.) If one would heads to the buisiness area work instead of going to universities, there would be less chance to meet peers, and take a break with their co workers, or enjoying festivals together, as he or she is working in buisiness.(business area라고 쓰면 사업이나 경영을 가르키는 듯 합니다. 심플하게 work이라고 쓰시는걸 추천합니다. If 절에는 would를 쓰면 안되기 때문에 삭제 ~ 그리고 뒷부분에 3가지 나열 하실땐 Parallel로 바꿨습니다) However, people can build memorable events with their peers a lot here in universities. Since, there are lots of festivals or club works throughout the college life
people can share their joviality have a good time with their friends. (joviality는 갑자기 너무 큰 단어 같구요, 심플하게 쓰시는걸 추천~) Not only that, sometimes living together in dorms with others, people can form more sincere relationship with their peers or older ones seniors. (선배들)
To sum up, people go to universities since lots of benfits are followed. They can be more professional at their field by learneding numerous information by professors and extending more social relationships by meeting lots of people. |