Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
I strongly agree with the passage that the television destroys communication among friends and family. More often than not, people are harmed by television. In today, our society sees television as must-have thing in order to live. This however, we must realize it makes us separated from social and learn bad characters.
First of all, as mentioned above, television has become a part of people’s life. There are many people who cannot live without the television. 첫 문장은, 전개하는 내용의 문장보다 자신의 근거를 써주는게 좋아요.. 즉, 자신의 이유를 써주고 위에 밑줄친 문장을 쓰면서 전개해주는게 좋겠죠~?? But, we must understand the crucial side effect it can cause. Let me tell you my experience on the topic. I have been a great fan of television. Especially, when I was in a foreign country, it felt like television was only one who could understand me and make me laugh. More and more I watched I was absorbed by the television. It wasn’t noticeable enough for me to realize. Yet, I was being isolated from the family I was staying with. If there has been no television, I would have probably tried my hardest to get close with them. I may have laughed and felt better during the time I was watching. Now I think of it I cannot get more frustrated thinking I have wasted my valuable time.
Secondly, effects of television can be even more deadly to young children. Television has many different channels, which are shown by just a click. Young teenagers and children who have a lot of free time are most likely to be watching the television. I am not stating that all channels are bad but sometimes the violent and comedy programs are over the line. At young stage many people learn from what they watch. That is why parenting is important, but in today many parents are busy and they are worried if their children will be hurt if they were to play outside. To solve this problem they come up with an idea ‘if children are watching television inside they would be safe’ sometimes this can lead to even more dangerous situation. For example, many studies show that children viewing televisions for long time have shown violent characteristic. With such a behavior you will definitely be by yourself when you grow up. No one in the world likes violent person, including their own family
To sum up, there is a saying that television is a stupid box. The saying comes from old families thinking that it makes you more fool as you watch. According to the reasons above I definitely agree that, who would take fool for real? I think the television plays a key role of destroying the relationship of friends and family. It leads to isolation and violent behavior. What is your opinion on such a question?
잘 쓰신 것 같아요..
글자수는 괜찮은데.. 아쉬운 부분은.. 역시 표현 부분이 아쉽네요~
좀 더 고득점을 원하신다면, 다양한 표현등을 써주시는게 좋을 것 같아요..
23점 정도..예상해보는데 이건 제 경험을 바탕으로 한 지극히 제 주관적인 견해라서요~
너무 귀기울여 듣지 마시고 쭉... 앞으로 꾸준히 써보세요 그럼 일취월장하실꺼에요^^