▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether it is better to let a friend make a mistake than saying or doing something that would destroy the relationship or not. This is an intriguing question because opinions depending on this issue can be different with depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support saying or doing something to a friend even it that would destroy the relationship for the following reasons. >space
First of all, saying or doing something for a friend that would destroy the relationship is better because it broadens the friend’s perspectives. To be specific, saying or doing something to related to the friend‘s wrong behavior or wrong knowledge which as a result allows the friend friends to better learn about others' the other‘s thoughts and perspectives as a result. As modern society is increasingly globalized, today‘s world requires people with high level of adaptability adaptablilty which to easily accept their mistake and fix it. People can do this better by pointing out their wrong behavior or thought with each other. To illustrate, Steve Jobs, who is the founder of Apple, has made great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read online that he was very successful because he was open-minded and sensitive. He did this by when he has a chance to get conference, admitting his mistake easily and amending making amend them. This shows that saying or doing something to a friend‘s wrong behavior or wrong knowledge allows people them to be a better person. >space In addition, saying or doing something to a friend‘s wrong behavior or wrong knowledge is better for the friend because it strengthens their the relationships between friends. First of all, being get pointed by their friend about wrong thing which as a result allows people to feel thankful mind to their friend. To be specific, they are going to feel appreciate to their friend for pointing out their wrong point. Finally, their friendship will be stronger. For example, when I was younger, I was pointed out by my wrong habits such as making noise while I eat meals. I did not recognized that I made make that noise, so I was really thanked to my friend. 주제에서는 '친구의 기분을 상하게 할 수 있는 일일지라도' 말하는 것에 대해 물어보았기 때문에 지적에 친구가 '감사할 것이다'라는 연결은 주제와 맞지 않습니다. >space In conclusion, it is my belief that saying or doing something when a friend makes a mistake even when it that would destroy the relationship is better for relationship. I believe that my opinion regarding this issue has effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that it may strengthen the friendships in long-term.
Comment : 친구가 실수하도록 내버려두지 않고 '기분이 상할지라도' 지적하는 것에 대한 주장이 필요한데, 요즘 사회에서 원하는 인재상에 대한 내용이나 지적해줘서 고마워했다는 내용들은 논점이 맞지 않습니다. 두 주장 모두 문제에 대한 답변으로는 논점이 어긋날 가능성이 큰 내용이라 답안을 만들기가 애매한 것 같아요. 주제와 연관성을 더 높일 수 있는 내용으로 고민해보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 답안 작성하실 때 같은 표현이 계속해서 반복되는 부분과 문법오류들도 더 신경써서 다듬어주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류) |