Topic: Working in a big business company that gives you high salary or working in a small business company where you can enjoy.
1. After receiving university education, students mostly apply for a job and most of them are looking for big companies that can provide high salary. Even though, the student doesn't like the job itself, because of the high salary they he applies.
I think it is better to work for a small company where I can enjoy my work.
1. receive university education 라는 표현도 좋지만 대학을 졸업하다는 의미를 살리는 것도 좋을 것 같습니다. Most of university graduates look and apply for big companies that can provide high salary after they finish their school.
First of all, in a big company there are many people who want to get promoted. This causes intense competition with each other and people's relationship would be hard to be maintained. In other words, there is no place left for human relationship. The primary objective is the success of the work. On the other hand, in a small company, competition is not as tense as big companies. People do compete but, they do not go over the line. When I was working for LG, everybody was busy for finding a way to get promoted. It made me sick of seeing people driven to work without enjoyment and caring others. Afterwards, I decided to go to a smaller company where I can enjoy my work and (at the same time) have good relationship with fellow co-workers at the same time. Though I didn't earn receive much as before, at least now I can enjoy working.
* 문장에 없어서는 안될 요소, 주어와 동사를 앞으로 보내주어 하고자 하는 말을 강하게 하는 것이 더 좋습니다.
Furthermore, working in a big business makes a person occupied with his work. There is no life for the worker. He is always busy with work. But, in a small company, there are relatively less work. In other words, I can have time to enjoy other activities. I have a friend who works in Coca-Cola. When he first got promoted, he was very excited about it and celebrated it with his family and friends. He looked happy at that time. But, the higher the position, the heavier the responsibility. Though(,) he got more money, he had to work day and night. I felt bad for him because it seemed his life had no meaning. It was only work, work and work. I work from eight in the morning to 8 in the afternoon. After my work, I go out with my colleagues for a bite and we would then go to Starbucks for coffee.
Though(,) I don't earn much as my friend does, but I am enjoying my life.
To sum up, I believe it is better to work in a small company than a big company. A good life is not always about work and earning much. I have friends whom I can enjoy with and have the time too. Big companies should also know that workers have their lives and corporations they should give employees them time and opportunity to enjoy it.
* 마지막 문장에서는 they, them 이 쓰였는데 이 둘은 다른 명사를 대신하여 쓰였습니다. 이런 경우에는 해당 대명사가 무엇을 의미하는지 분명하게 밝혀주는 것이 좋습니다. ^^