The reading discusses the advantages of green roofs , the roofs that cover the top of the building with vegetation.(여기욤~~ It is better for sentences to be short)>>> The reading discusses several advantages of Green Roof. The Green Roof is a roof that covers the rooftop with vegetation. However, the lecturer strongly disputes the reading passage's claim (that green roofs are beneficial in several ways.) ---> 괄호 안은 redundant....
First and foremost, the lecture states even tough green roofs are constructed, it is not quite accessible for residents to use. This rebuffs the reading passage's claim that green roofs can solve the problem of the shortage of parks.
rebuff라는 단어는 누군가를 거절하거나 퇴짜 놓는다는 뜻을 지닌 단어 입니다.. (이제 영어로 쓰겠습돠) therefore you should not be confused using this word inappropriately. It's better be simple when it comes to English Essay, like you could say,,,, is against the reading passage-----
In addition, the speaker argues that people can not see a great view of living roofs due to the height of the building. People can not see the roof from the below. This counters the statement in the reading that living roofs offer a beautiful appearance and view so that many people feel delightful.
Finally, the lecturer states that building living roofs would cost additional costs. The installation of a living roof costs nearly 2 billion dollars. Also, even after it is constructed, there would be extra costs for the maintenance of soil and vegetation. Thus, these reasons cast doubt on the reading passage's assertion that building green roofs is more cost-saving method than conventional roofs.
For these reasons, the lecturer believes considering green roofs revolutionary and advantageous is literally exaggerated, while the reading passage advocates the construction of green roofs.
Evaluation: What I've done is just a little bit of grammar correction and change some sentences to better looking sentences.
But I can feel that you try hard to use scholatic vocabulary. I am very much aware of your worries that poor wording is not enough to obtain good scores but sophisticated word with wordy sentence does not get you good mark.. Therefore keep in mind that what you need to work on from now on is that you make sentence structure look native and fluent. Good work... I personally know it's hard to write perfectly in intregrated part... |