There are many people who suppose teachers should be able to entertain get along well with students. Although this may be true, it can never override the importance of the teacher's ability to 'teach' students. I strongly believe that the teacher's ability to give knowledge to the students is prior to their ability to relate well with students. There are several reasons.
(앞에 벌써 teacher's ability to teach well 이 중요하다고 했으니, 또 한번 문장을 반복할 필요는 없어요. 그 대신 에세이의 서론에는 자기 주장 + 간단히 mention된 이유가 필요하니까, This is because~ 때문에, ~때문에. 이렇게 이유 두가지를 먼저 적어주세요.^^)
Most importantly, it is better for the students in the future. (어떤식으로 better? 학생의 미래에 대해 어떻게 도와주는지 적어주세요.) One bad thing about teachers that are too friendly is that If teachers put too much emphasis on getting along well with students, (or building strong relationship with students,) they may often neglect the importance of actually teaching the students. (Quite often they would just chat with the students and the whole class would have ended.) Teachers who don't relate as well with the students tend to be quite strict, and as a result, the students (pay close attention to~) are more diciplined. Another thing is that if a teacher teaches well, it is beneficial for the students' future. That is because their grades have to be high in order for them to graduate well. (졸업하기 위해서 certain grades 가 필요한것은 선생님이 giving knowledge 에 신경을 써야하는 이유라기 보다는 학교 자체의 교육 rule 아닐까요..?^^) If a teacher is only able to relate well with the students, there would be nothing left in the students' heads in the end.
(마지막 문장에서 "선생님들이 relate well with~ 하면," 보다는, "knowledge 를 give 하는 선생님들은 ~ 할수있다." 이렇게 초점을 맞춰주면 좋을것같아요^^. 그리고, 마땅한 예제가 없네요.
바디페러에서는 자기 주장과 그에대한 설명도 중요하지만, 그를 논리적으로 뒷바침 할수있는 예제 = 근거가 필요합니다. give more knowledge 하는 선생님 vs. get along well 하는 선생님 에 대한 경험이라던가, 직접적인 예시를 들어주세요. 그리고 don't = do not 으로 씁니다.
또, "어떤식으로" 학생의 미래에 대해 도와주는지. 정확히 설명해주세요~!)
Furthermore, it (specify "it") is better for the teacher as well. One thing is that teachers sometimes get 'too' close with the to their students that they lose control over the students. For example, one of my teachers are (one 이 주어입니다. 따라서 is) so 'friendly' that the students have started to actually treat her as a friend, not viewing her as a teacher. The class that she teaches is Her class is very ineffective, since noone (no one 입니다. 그런데 nobody 로 써주세요~) nobody listens to her. tries to listen to her when she tries to teach us. Consequently, not many people like her class because they don't feel that they achieve ~. they are learning anything from her class. As you can clearly see from this example, being able to teach well is much more important than relating well with the students.
(teach well 하는것이 "왜" 선생님들한테 좋은지도 정확히 설명을 안해주셨어요..^^..
이 문단 또한 "relating well" 하는 선생님이 왜 "안좋은지" 에 대해서만 언급하셨고, 그 반대 내용에 대해서는 설명이 많이 부족합니다.^^)
For these two reasons, (콤마 주의하세요~!) I believe that teachers should be able to teach well, rather than relate well.
(결론은 한문장으로 끝내지 마시구요. 자기 주장에 대한 이유. 서론에서 지적드렸던 것처럼, 첫번째, 두번째 이유가 각각 필요합니다. 지금까지 자기가 주장했던 부분을 다시한번 랩업하는 부분이니 주의해서 쓰세요!) |