▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, making friend plays
significant role in people’s life in many of the places where they work or
play. Some people think that the friends who are similar are better than the
friends who are different, while the others are not. Both sides may have their
own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say
that the friends who are different are better than the friends who are similar.
To begin with, I can learn about many
things when I make friends who are different with from me. When I spend time with
friends who have different experience and characteristics with from me, it will be
great helpful for me. This is because they have lots of experience and
knowledge I do not have, so I will be able to get knowledge about that when I
just talk with them. For example, when I was in China for studying to study Chinese
language, I had one classmate who came from Japan. Even though we have many
similar things such as using Chinese characters, our daily lives were
different. When we met first time in school, we had discussion about diverse
cultures in the world in my class. I talked about Korean cultures, and my
Japanese friend talked about his own cultures. We (설명이 짤린건지 아니 면 쓰시다가 까먹으신건가요?? 마지막 문장이 뭘 뜻하는지가 이 바디에서 가장 중요할 거 같습니다)
In addition, I can improve my communication
skills when I meet some friends who are different with from me. Nowadays,
communication skill is one of the most important thing when we get a job. Large
companies in my country only hire people who have good communication skill. For
example, my sister was in a college, she prepared job interview (run on sentence). However, she
failed that interview because of lack of her speech skills. So, she joined a
discussion club in her college after the interview. She met many people who
have diverse background and talked about many things with them. While she
discussed with them who have significantly different thinking with my sister,
she tried to understand them. Her communication skill was better then before,
and finally she could be hired by large company. The interviewer who met my
sister in the interview said that her communication skill improves a lot than
before. (과정에 대해서 설명이 필요할 거 같아요 어떤 에피소드로 인해 누나 분 께서 소통의 능력이 좋아졌는지에 대한)
All things considered, I strongly believe
that making friends who are different is better than making friends who are
similar for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of
making friends cannot be overestimated in our daily lives. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 전반적으로 장황하게 서술 하엿지만 구체적인 설명은 부족한 에세이였던 거 같습니다. 특히 바디 1이나 바디 2에서 나온 예시는 설명이 부족하였습니다. 바디 1 마지막 부분은 작성자께서 더 많은 정보를 말해줘야만 제가 이해 할 수 있을 거 같습니다. 또한 바디 2 에서는 예시 중 능력이 좋아졋다는 것에 따른 과정에 대한 설명이 구체적으로 필요할 거 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다. |