"Never, Never give up" means to keep trying and never stop working for your goals. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? |
There are many values people consider as important in their lives. Honesty or dignity could be one, or even money could be a candidate. However, not giving up and going forward for your goal is one of the most important values that people hold highly upon. There is even a famous line by(X) the atheletic brand that goes "Impossible is nothing" - I think not. It is all wonderful that we human(humans 아니면 human beings) always try to overcome our limitation(한계를 극복하려는건 OFF-TOPIC. keep trying and never stop working for goals를 paraphrase 해서 쓰세요), but I believe that knowing our limit and recognizing when to give up is just as important for following reasons(reason 2 개가 첫 paragraph에 나와야 합니다. following 같은 기능적 phrase는 절대 쓰지마시구요 because로 해서 2개 언급해주세요).
First, because impossible is something. There are things that we desire to do, but never capable to do. I don't think it is very wise to waste up our lives to reach for stars. For example, I always wanted to be a professional baseball player when I was in school, though I knew that I did not have the god-given atheletic ability to be so. I had become a better player as I practiced, but it was very obvious that I would never be good enough to go to pro. or even a college. I gave up on(on삭제) my dream to be a baseball player(이말대로라면 난 야구선수가 되기위해 꿈을 포기했다에요. 다시 고쳐쓰세요), and I don't feel bad about it. What good is it if I waste my life by trying to be a baseball player when there are things that I am better at.(흠.. grammar가 맞는 문장인지 모르겠군요 what good is it if)
Second reason that I don't agree with "never, never give up" statement is giving up is not the dead-end of our lives, but it could be the begining of the whole new world(X 새로운 세계의 시작.. 새로운 인생의 출발점이 아닐까요). People usually get depressed when they see their limit, even after they put everything they have to reach up the goal (even 앞뒤 연결 안되요. 의미는 알겠는데 다시 고쳐쓰세요) I think the fact that someone put that much effort itself speaks enough of what he/she is made of. Chan ho Park, national hero of South Korea, started his atheltic career as a sprinter, but when he saw his limit in running, he turned around from it and never looked back. Now look at where he is. I don't think he could have got all the fortune and fame if he didn't give up on his goal to be a sprinter(baseball에서 성공해서 그렇다는 얘기를 써주세요. eg로 박찬호 좋습니다. 매우좋은 eg. 미국에서 지명도도있고 채점관들도 충분히 납득할만한 예. 보통 짧게읽는 편이니 body 1과 body 2를 바꿔서 읽힐 확률을 높혀 보는게 어떨까요?).
To conclude, even though it is very hard to accept our own limit, sometimes, it is very much needed for self-improvement. I don't agree with the "never give up" statement because we, human beings, certainly have limitation that we can never acheive as an individual, and giving up on one thing may open an opportynity(스펠 mistake는 감점요소) on the other end. |
박찬호의 예는 글쎄요 뭐랄까 ..좀 modify한정도..애교로 봐주세요..ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
약간약간 topic에 빗나갔지만 글의 flow는 좋습니다.
Grammar mistake 기초적인것들을 많이 하셨는데 글이 좋고 flow가 좋아도
grammar mistake가 특히 기본적인 것들이있으면 감점이 큼니다.
이점 유의하시고 몇개의 accord한 문장들 고쳐주시면 되겠습니다.
제가 stars, something 에 (body 1에서) 빨간줄만 친건
understand는 되는데 toefl 채점자들이 저런걸 점수 깍을지않을지 모르겠어서 빨간줄만
쳤습니다.
something은 impossible은 something이다. 라고 표현하신게 국어로는 표현못하겠으나
understand되는 단어이긴 합니다.
stars는 높은 aim, goal 을 말하는 거구요.
제일주의하실건 topic에 빗나가지 않게 content를 out line해서 풀어나가실 거에요.
화이팅
참고로 저는 22일날 시험인데 꽤나 긴장되네요. 화이팅 한번 해주시는 쌘쓰 부탁드립니다 ~ ^^