Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. |
Recently, I see many students study so hard,(/ 마침표를--;;) work, take part time job, 이 부분을 바 꾸는 것이 어떨까요? they work a part time job in order to earn a lot of money in the future; and they think it will be a great success. It is success.(빼주세요) However, I disagree with this(뭔가 부족하죠?) becuase I don't(다 나열해야 됩니다, 에세이에서는) see only people who earn a lot of money are successful, but, I also see people who say that they are successful in happiness of taking their desired job regardless of poor(추가)salary. In addition, people often choose suicidal over money although they are successful. I will explain those two facts.
To begin with, I watched on the media that some people saying that they are successful in happiness with not(without) possessing a lot of money. They took jobs which were their favorite hobby withought receiving full payment(좋네요). They were pretty sure that they reached their goal with doing what they really want to do every day(한칸 띄어야 해요... 부사로 써야지고요), in other words, success. Through hearing this, I have started to believe that money does not drive(handle이 좀더 적당한듯 people's successfulness, but(futhermore , but 어색하지 않나요?) other thing also can make them successful.
Secondly, This fact also shows me that money do(does) not cause people's successfulness. Some people choose to die over money, probably becuase they have so much money, that they can not be controlled by themsleves. For example, a CEO suicided because he thought that earning a lot of money would make his life happier, but he was not happy at all becuase he started to lose people around him over his fortune. 좀 어색하네요..
In addition, right before his death, he wrote that "I devoted my entire life earning money becuase I was very very poor in (the 형용사니까 명사로) young, which I hated. However, now I find myself in misery becuase of my fortune. People obey me but they are so disguised"
Those two I have mentioned above had let me beliving earning money do not make people successful but I think it depends on a person. Having full happiness, but a little bit of money is enough to be successful, so, I think, the true successfulness is what people find themselves enjoying.
도와주세욤 영어를 잘 못해서 제 에세이를 judge할 그런 센스가 없습니당. 따끔한 지적 환영입니다! |
지적했는데요.. 잘 썻네요..... 저도 영어 고수가 아니라서요..........