▶ Your Answer : Some people argue that parents are not the best teachers, because there are lots of people person who teach children better. However, in my opinion, parents are the best option to teach children for the following reasons.
To begin with, parents are willing to give all things they have, n. Not only the parent's wisdom, but also whatever their children they want. This is Bbecause parents love their children and hope to care them. In addition, parents always want to children's success. Although Even the greatest teacher, can not teach more better than their parents, since teachers does not raise them, never mind children's condition. just one of students. I will take my personal experience as an example. When I was a student students, my academic performances was bad. Because I did not want to study and always wanted to play. My parents was went through hard time, because of me. My parents found good teachers to teach me but I never followed it. After that, I was given gave advice from my parents, and understood what they meant. Then, Mmy academic performance took off and I had good relation with my parents again. 아이들이 원하는 것을 모두 주고 싶어하는 것과 좋은 선생님의 자질이 무슨 관련이 있는지 논리적 설명이 어렵습니다. 좀 더 객관적인 측면에서 서술할 수 있는 내용으로 논리를 풀어주는 것이 좋습니다. 또한 뒷부분에서 갑자기 교사는 아이들을 기르지 않아서 신경쓰지 않는다는 서술은 너무 비약적입니다. 내가 공부를 안 좋아했는데 부모의 조언으로 관심을 갖게 됐다는 내용도 '좋은 선생님으로서의 자질'을 설명하기에는 흐름이 부족합니다.
Second, parents have lots of experience already. Since they become mom and dad, patents went trough a lot of circumstances. When children are in trouble they can advise quickly and are willing to help them. Such as, counseling children, question to their friend,or teacher etc. For example, when I was a high school student, I had a problem with my friend. Bbecause my school was changed. So, I did not have any friend, a real friend, to play or study with. Then I wanted to counseled with my parents and they gave me an good advice. Since, as they had already went trough the same situation. 경험을 더 많이 해서 좋은 조언을 해줄 수 있다는 점은 비단 부모뿐 아니라 다른 어른들이나 교사에게도 해당되는 부분이므로 주제에 대한 답변으로 보기에 어렵습니다.
To sum up, parents are the best good teacher because they are willing to help their children me and give an advice based on their experiences. This is the reason why the for parents are the best good teacher.
Comment : 문법오류가 너무 많습니다. 정확한 내용 전달이 가능하도록 더 신경써주세요. 부모가 아이들에게 어떤 것들을 가르쳐주는지, 또는 부모가 어떤 사람들인지에 대한 설명이 아니라 '왜 부모가 최고의 선생님인지'를 명확히 보여줄 수 있는 주장들이 제시되어야 합니다. 아이들을 사랑해서 뭐든 주려고 한다는 것은 좋은 선생님의 자질과 연결짓기 어렵고, 경험이 많아서 좋은 조언을 해줄 수 있다는 점은 아이들보다 경험이 많은 사람들이 부모만 있는 것은 아니므로 '부모'가 가장 좋은 선생님이라 보는 이유와는 거리가 멉니다. 좀 더 주제와의 연관성을 잘 드러낼 수 있는 주장으로 내용을 구성해보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. '부모'의 특징과 '좋은 교사의 자질'을 연결지어서 생각해보시면 도움이 될 거예요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류) |