▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that the condition of the environment will not get better in coming years. Nonetheless, others strongly disagree with the above notion. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that the condition of the environment will keep deteriorating in future. There are several reasons and examples as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, many people make own their efforts. That is, people learns the importance of environment in school, It enhances individual perception on the environment. People acknowledge the importance of environment in school so that they can enhance their own perception toward environment Therefore, people endeavor in keep the environment clean and It will make the condition of environment better in future to keep environment clean thereby leading environment in better condition. For instance, when I was a high school student, I learned how critical the environment is to our life. After the class, I made a club with my friends to do what we learned in the class time. One of our primary activity was to make a plant in the school to plant a tree. It continued until we graduated from the high school, the air became very clean due to the green area that our club made. As shown in this example, people's efforts can make environment better in coming years.
On top of that, almost of all the governments makes investments and relevant law to enforce make and enforce law on environment. What I mean is that, recently, all the countries are suffering from global warming. It changes the climate dramatically, all the governments begun began to realize the importance of environment and invest in a resource to improve. For instance, in 2010, European and North American government make the law to curb pollutants that are created by cars curbed the cost on car air pollution. With this new law, It is mandatory for all the car manufacturers to have after treatment system on their product. A few days ago, I have read news article that air quality in US and Europe get cleaner than 10 years ago because of this new regulation. What this example indicates us is that environmental condition can be improved by government's efforts and investment.
Fair: 17~23 점수:20 일단 결론이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 구조적인 부분에 있어서 독립형 에세이에서는 결론이 필요합니다. 결론이 하는 역활은 자신의 에세이를 마무리하는 느낌이자 요약하는 분위기를 나타냅니다. 이러한 부분은 에세이의 끝을 알려주는 것이기 때문에 결론이 꼭 필요합니다. 또한 문법적인 오류가 너무 많이 보이는 독립형 에세이입니다. 지금 나타나는 어법상 이상한 부분들은 전체적으로 에세이 플로우를 방해하기 때문에 제가 첨삭한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |