▶ Your Answer :
There have been dissenters to the view
that being different from others is better than being similar in order to
succeed It has been acknowledged that being different is better to succeed. However, in my opinion, there should be more emphasis on being
different rather than being similar (앞 문장과 동일합니다 자신의 의견을 서술할 때 이렇게 동일하면 however가 필요하지 않습니다). There are two reasons: First, being
different is the only way to survive in the world. Second, by having various
experience, one can have many opportunities to success. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, being
dissimilar let distinctive lets people survive in this harsh world. To survive in this world of
endless competition, people ought to have their own characteristics. In case of
being famous, everyone is aware that being recognized by others is like a camel
passing through the eye of a needle nowadays knows recognizing from others is very difficult. One's ability can be clouded by
other's ability, so in order to succeed, a person must have distinct personality.
I want to take No Hong-chul, who is a Korean comedian, as an example. When he
appeared on a TV show, everyone was surprised because of his odd behave and way
to speak behavior. He always spoke fast like a rapid-fire gun. At the beginning, he was
not famous. I.nstead, most people teased him. However, as time went by, people
have interests in him, and a few program directors invited him in their shows.
Eventually, he loomed on Infinite Challenge, which was the best Korean TV show.
Furthermore, he made a lot of money and became famous. He said that being
different from others might make himself remarkable and get success. become successful
On top of that,
through diverse experience, a person gets chances to succeed. Imagine that
people only have the similar life with others. Would it be possible to get
success? The answer will be 'no' (독립형 에세이에 있어서는 의문형 문장이 들어가면 안됩니다). The only key to succeed would be to have a
wide range of diverse experience. For example, according to the late Jung
Jooyeong's autobiography I read a few months ago, he had an exceptional
childhood. He overcame difficulties regarding business. He just finished
elementary school and started working in many fields. He worked at a car repair
shop and a port in Incheon. Through these experiences, he got knowledge (knowledge는 셀 수 없는 단어입니다) and
skills about cars and ships. Therefore, he established Hyundai and made this
company the most successful company in Korea. Finally, he became one of the
most respected company owners in Korea. I believe that the experiences from the
repair shop and port accounts for his success. If he lived like others who went
to college and had a job, he could not have been successful.
To sum up, having
different characteristics from others allows one to survive in this world.
Moreover, unlike normal people, people who have a wide range of experience have
chances to succeed. In this regard, I can assuredly say that being different
allows one to succeed instead of being similar.
Fair: 17~23 점수:22 일단 두 번째 단락에서 문제가 발생하는 거 같습니다. 두 번째 단락 예시는 주제와 적절치 않는 거 같습니다. 이 부분은 그냥 정주용 회장님의 일대기를 얘기한 것이지 왜 그의 모습이 어떻게 다른 사람들이랑 달랐고 이 달랐던 점이 어떤 다른 변화를 가져다 줬는지에 대한 설명이 꼭 필요해 보입니다. 또한 인트로에서 나온 문제는 상대방의 의견과 자신의 의견이 동일 할 때에는 however라고 서술하는 것 보다는 그냥 자신의 의견을 좀 더 elaborate하는 것이 더 좋을 거 같습니다. 이 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
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