■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :
The most important period in a person's life is one's twenties. |
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▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that one's twenties is not important it is not important one's twenties in a person's life. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the subsequent reasons. I think it is a good period that where we can try new things that we have not experienced do not experience before.
We can try new things in our twenties. What I mean is that we did common things before twenties. We went to school and studied hard, and went academic. We lived in a fixed schedule. However, by entering twenties, we can do so many new things. For example, we can choose subjects which we want, and eat lunch when we want. Also, we can choose various activities that we want to experience. In this process, we can find what we want to be in the future, and will sincerely think about this. It is such an important period to decide our path in the future. Frankly, this issue is actually like a double-edged sword. It is also true that it is important to other period except twenties. (문장이 어색해요.) However, I believe the most important period is the twenties. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. When I was in high school, I could not choose what I really want to be, so I cried every night because I was so confused. However, I entered in university at twenty, and did so many things such as going to clubs that I could not experience at high school. In the club, I went to a broadcasting station with my club members, and I saw a PD in there. I thought that a PD is a nice job, and started to be interested in PD. After that, I searched about PD, and realized that I will be so happy if I work in a broadcasting station as a PD. Now, I am trying to become a PD, and I am so happy to prepare for it. It became a turning point in my life.
In conclusion, we can experience new things, and we can really find what we want to be. For these reasons, I strongly believe that twenties is the most important period in a person's life.
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점수: 18/30
바디 문단이 너무 깁니다. 기본적으로 인트로 1, 바디 2, 결론 1 이렇게 스트럭쳐를 짜주시면 됩니다.
중간에 한번 나누시면 될 것 같네요.
문법 오류가 많습니다. 관사가 전혀 쓰이지 않고 있고 시제일치도 거의 안 되어 있습니다.
철자 오류가 몇 차례 있었고 전체적으로 어색한 phrase가 많이 있었습니다.
중간에 PD 얘기가 나온 부분은 좋았지만 double-edged sword부분은 차라리 빼시는게 더 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*