■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :The government should spend more money on expanding the access to Internet than improving public transportation. |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people take it for granted that it’s more desirable for the
government to spend more money on expanding the access to the Internet. However, I
am strongly convinced that improving public transportation entails more
benefits. In this vein, I totally disagree with the statement; there exists several reasons to backup my perspective.
First, enhanced public transportation will motivate people not to drive
their own cars and instead utilize public vehicles such as buses or subways, lessening
the congestion on the road during rush hours. (EXCELLENT TOPIC SENTENCE!) It sounds considerably favorable
for the citizens. In terms of the public, they can save money spent on gasoline
or car maintenance and avoid wasting time on crowded streets. For example, Seoul
University conducted a survey on two groups of people. One group is consisted
of those who live in cities with an elaborate transportation system, and the other
group is made of those required to drive their own cars besides poor public
transportation. The researchers found that the first group of people tended to
be more satisfied with their daily routine, now that they could save both money
and time simultaneously by using a sophisticated subway system. (EXCELLENT POINT)
다 좋은데 elaborate와 sophisticated 단어가 문장과 안 어울립니다. convenient 가 좋을 듯 합니다. ^^
Secondly, an easy access to the Internet might spawn several devastating
consequences. People might be subject to highly violating or stimulating programs,
which might significantly influence on their habits. Particularly, for
children, who are vulnerable to secular things due to the lack of real-life
experiences, those lewd contents are very addictive. Moreover, those materials will
form a negative thought. Unfortunately, those thoughts formed from an early age
cannot be easily changed, as the saying goes, ‘Old habits die hard’. For example,
since one of my closest friends, Kenny, was young, he was exposed to the
Internet. He spent more than two hours playing video games every day and became
addicted to it. As a result, he found himself isolated from the real world and
hardly had a social network. If the government had enacted a law for restricting access
to the Internet, Kenny would have been able to enjoy a sound life.
As I’ve demonstrated above, there are many pros and cons against the
statement. But in my case, I still have a strong conviction that the advantages
of improving public transportation outweigh those of expanding the access to the Internet.
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점수: 29/30너무 잘 쓰셨습니다~!
틀린 문법은 수정본 참고해주세요.
두번째 문단 마지막 문장이 살짝 오프인 감이 있습니다.
expanding 하는것이 주제이지 restricting하는 것이 주제가 아니니까요.