▶ Your Answer :
Elderly people usually have more experiences than teens/young people us and the young we usually think elderly people are is great for our advisors. However, in my opinion, to get advice from friends/people at same age friend of our age is better.
First, people in my age understand what I’m saying. They are in same generation as me, so their thought and the problems that they suffer from should be similar to as mine. For example, I didn’t know how to make documents for my presentation and asked my parents and grandparents(,) but they didn’t don’t know how to operate computer well. Then, I asked my friend in my age and she also prepared for presentation and gave my valuable information. Thanks to my friend, I completed presentation well and got good grade. à 내용이 처음부터 I를 주어도 이루어지는데 되도록이면 1인칭 주어는 지양하시는 것이 좋습니다.
In addition, it is comfortable when we talk to same age group. We usually keep more manners while talking to older people and the circumstance wouldn’t be comfortable but rather and too serious. One day, I talked to my teacher about my high school. She gave me my lots of information but it wasn’t easy to ask personal things honestly. People can get real advice that they need when comfortable atmosphere is made to talk When(,) comfortable atmosphere made, we can get real advice that we need.
Finally, we can get more realistic advice from people at same age people. Older age people have lots of experiences but they offer extensive of abstract advice. For instance, I asked my parents to give me an advice to solve the conflict about the conflicts between me and my boyfriend. My parents advised that everything will be fine later and told me not to not take it seriously as serious problem. It wasn’t bad advice but I needed some specific solutions. Then, I asked one of my friends who had same problem as me before and she gave me valuable solutions which match to my reality. Sometimes, extensive advice that old people give(,) makes me confused. (친구가 말해준 solution 이 무엇이었고 이것이 문제 해결에 어떤 역할을 했는지를 서술해주셔야 좋은 예시가 될 수 있습니다. ^^)
People in my age understand my feeling better, make the atmosphere not too serious and give more realistic answers. For those reasons, I think it’s valuable to ask advice to friends from same age. Since friends they understand what my problems are is my problems better and they can give me proper advice.
전반적으로 내용이 많이 부족해보입니다. 적절한 근거와 예시를 통해 내용을 보충해주시고 탄탄한 supportive sentences를 만들어주시는 것이 필요해보입니다. 수고하셨습니다~ ^^ |