■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :Being
different from others is helpful for achieving success.(AG)
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▶ There might be some people who believe that being different
from others is not helpful for achieving success. However, I personally
disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons. The first one is that being unique uniqueness is an important factor to success in today's competitive society and the other
is that having a different perspective makes people earn much money indubitably.
First of all, being different from others is a decisive element for success to succeed. To explain, These days is very competitive each other there is intense competition in today's society. To survive
in this world of endless competition, people ought to have unique abilities. In
the case of success in this society, everyone is aware that succeeding is like
a camel passing through the eye of a needle. One’s ability can be clouded easily
by other’s abilities so in order to stand out, a person must have special
abilities. According to research done by Korean Major Company Institution,
almost 80% of respondents who are heads of personnel department from each different company companies said that “We want people who have unique characteristics characters”. This evidently shows
that differences lead to success.
On top of that, there are many succeeded successful people who have a
unique perspectives (이것은 이유가 될 수 없습니다. Having a unique perspective allows people to ~ 식으로 써주시는 것이 좋습니다). To be specific, Nnowadays people concentrate on some unthinkable
idea (설명이 모호합니다). Take the example of Youtube creators. In the On Youtube, a lot of people run
their channels by making their own contents. Especially, some people who have
more than 10milion subscribers make money more than ten thousand dollars per
month. Their feature is having peculiar (단어 선택 오류) unique contents such as with their own visual styles is what makes them successful on the internet and
photography. What this means that having distinguished different perspectives is helpful for
achieving success.
In conclusion, being different is not only decisive element
to succeed, but also earn much money. (being different makes people to become more successful and earn a lot of money)
For these reasons, I strongly believe that success is
achieved by being different from others.
Score: 16 Comments: - 구조가 잘 잡혀있습니다. - 문법 실수들이 있습니다. - 제시하신 이유는 대체로 적절합니다. 본론1은 설명을 잘 해주신 것 같아요. 본론2가 많이 아쉽습니다. different perspective - 다른 시각을 말하는건데, 유투브 콘텐츠를 다른 '시각'이랑 엮어서 설명을 하지 않으셨습니다. - 조금 더 논리적이고 명확한 설명을 해주시면 좋겠습니다. - 결론 첫번째 문장은, does not only ~ 로 해주셔야합니다. is not only ~면, being different is not the only decisive element 식으로 해석이 됩니다 (다른 것 뿐만이 성공을 가져오는 것이 아니다) - 수고하셨습니다. |
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