■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic :
Advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits. | |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people tend to take it for granted that advertising is unrelated to unhealthy eating habits. However, in my opinion, it is very likely that an advertisement significantly can affect our unhealthy eating habits. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following the essay.
To begin with, advertising on many kinds of foods tend to stimulate people to have a desire for eating the foods. In general, advertisements on foods are showed at night, mainly containing instant or junk foods. Hence, many people will be attracted to the foods which are showing on TV, eventually causing them to buy and eat buying and eating the foods at night. Consequently, the habit of eating the junk foods at night will lead to people's habit and then cause a serious health problem. For example, a few years ago, my family often used to enjoy eating instant foods at night while watching an advertisement on very delicious junk foods. However, not until most of my family came down with food poisoning did I realized that eating foods at night was one of the unhealthy habits in daily life. The real reason for this healthy problem was directly related to an exaggerative advertisement on the foods.
On top of that, advertising usually tends to show only a good side of the quality of foods. This means that during a short advertisement, people generally are more likely to notice good aspects on the foods, but there will definitely be a variety of unhealthy factors ranging from natural ingredients to some kinds of chemical sources. Thus, consumers will not be aware of the negative factors behind the advertisement. For instance, every time I watched an advertisement on a certain food on TV, I found it difficult to find out the components and main ingredients of the foods. As a result, I realized that consuming foods just through advertising on them was one of the undesirable habits when it comes to my healthy diet. (EXCELLENT ARGUMENT!)
Taking all of these things into consideration, what I advocate boils down to the assertion that advertising of foods seriously can function as an unhealthy eating habit in the human daily life. This is mainly because not only can an advertisement for foods stimulate one's desire for eating them at night, but it also tends to show only one-sided aspect, thereby leaving real effects on human's health of unhealthy foods behind them.
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점수: 28/30
본문에 있는 모든 'foods'를 'food'로 바꾸어 주세요.
드물게 foods라고 표현하기는 하나 이렇게 일반적인 '음식'의 의미로 쓸 때에는 단수건 복수건 상관없이 food라고 쓴답니다. ^^
아주 잘 쓰셨습니다.
문법적 오류가 몇 차례 있습니다. 주어 동사 일치 항상 확인해주시고,
컴마 뒤에 ing로 오는 동사가 문장 앞의 주어가 하는 것이 맞는지 확인해주세요.
(ex. eventually causing them to buy and eat buying and eating the foods at night. )
수고하셨습니다. *^^*