▶ Your Answer : Compared
to the past generations, our life is easier and more comfortable to live. There
are some reasons why I think that it is more convenient for us to live today
than the past. We have lived in the developments of technology (어색한 표현입니다) such as
transportation, communication and production. These developments provide us with more convenience than ever before.
We
enjoy the development of transportation (토픽 센텐스로 쓰기에는 문장이 짧고 설명이 명확하지 않습니다). It makes us experience various things
by travelling more somewhere easily. For example, in the past, it took a lot of time
and money to go somewhere. It was very rare and expensive for my grandparents
to move from Korea to the United States, so very few people did it. However, as with the development of the vehicles such as ships and airplanes were on progress,
it enabled us we are now able to travel all over the world with reasonable price and within
short time. Consequently, we are able to experience other cultures and meet
people we want to see. (마무리 문장을 넣어주세요)
Also,
there is the development of communication that helps us live easier and more
comfortable. Its development gives us a great deal of information and
knowledges (불가산명사입니다.). For instance, when my grandparents were young, it was the time when
the internet did not exist. They were able to get information only through
television or newspapers. And the amount of it accessible information was very limited as well as and it
was normally about domestic news. On the one hand, we can face enormous amount
of the information every day, it is very easy to approach it as well (해석이 되지 않는 어색한 문장입니다).
The
development of production technology gives us an abundant life. Many people
used to feel starving starve and even die from starvation in the past. Unlike that time, now almost
every person does not suffer from hunger. We are not worried about the basic
desire: foods and clothes but worried about the quality of lives.
In
summary, the development in the various fields, which are transportation,
communication and production, made our life easier and more comfortable than
the time when my grandparents were children.
Score: 17 Comments: - 본론을 두 개로 해주세요. - 문법 실수 및 어색한 표현들이 있습니다. - 본론 내용을 주제와 다시 한번 연결시켜주는 마무리 문장을 추가해주세요. - 제시하신 이유는 적절하고 설명도 잘 되어있습니다. 몇가지 어색한 표현들만 주의해주시면 될 것 같습니다.
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