▶ Your Answer :
A thought-provoking current
issue concerns having the ability to plan and organize, which plays a pivotal
role in modern young people's daily lives in many of the places that they work
or play. Some people might think that having the ability to plan and prepare is
crucial for young people's lives since modern life is very complicated, while
others do not think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If
I were asked to choose one, I would say that having the ability to plan and
organize is key trait and necessary for modern young people's lives. There is
one fundamental reason with my personal experience and research data.
To begin with, I would like
to mention that having the ability to plan and organize allows people to save
time in their academic or professional work. That is more needed for young
modern people because they was in confront with bustling and hustling circumstances and live
in a more competitive world than before. Also, the ability makes them to
proceed with right direction at the first time. By having the ability, before
actually doing the job, many internal and external factors to affect their
tasks can be considered exhaustively, leading to probably most efficient way to
deal well with their tasks by right orientation. Thus, by making detailed and
thoughtful plan, they do not need to re-do their works back and forth
repeatedly. In other words, they would save time since they can prevent them from
re-doing their tasks again and again to fix their errors due to wrong
orientation at first. For
instance, when I worked as one of researchers in KHIMA(Korea Heavy Ion Medical
Accelerator) project, I saw that schedule of KHIMA project has changed and
delayed frequently because of, in fact, lack of pragmatic plan for building to build the
structure from the first time. The fundamental reason was that, from the first
time, some powerful main PIs(Project Investigators) did not listen carefully to
realistic advice from medical physicists who have expertise about medical accelerators
and medical treatment system. As a
results, there was a big event that type of accelerator should change from
Cyclotron to Synchrotron to fit the system into more medical-dedicated use,
which means that we had to re-do our beam tuning tasks for stable outputs such
as consistency of the number of particles per second, uniformity of beam in
radial and lateral direction, and quantity of contamination for each available energy.
Therefore, due to the change of the project, we had to waste a lot of time and
efforts by re-doing tuning jobs for new type of accelerator. If we had a proper
plan with right direction at the first time, we would have saved a lot of time. In
addition, I would like to mention one research data from government. According
to the ministry of Labor of Korea, the first group of people who had had a
trait of planning before starting their work was more likely to finish their
jobs more quickly than the second group of people who had started their jobs instantly
without any detailed plan. Also, the number of people who could not finish
their jobs on time was twice than those in the later group. On top of that, the
government officials found that the key reason of the delay was spending a huge
amount of unnecessary time on re-doing and re-orienting their assignments.
In brief, considering my experience and analyzed data, I strongly
believe that having the ability to plan and organize is desirable and crucial
for modern young people. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 에세이가 너무 장황스럽습니다. 어떤 부분에서 새로운 단락이 시작하는지도 잘 모르겠고 전반적으로 너무 장황하게 에세이를 서술하였기 때문에 이 에세이를 통해서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 잘 모르겠습니다. 잘 모르기 때문에 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 상대방을 설득할 수 잇느냐에 대한 것에 있어서 어려움이 있는 거 같습니다. 장황하게 어렵게 에세이를 서술하려고 하는 것 보다는 간결하게 본인의 의견을 전달 할 수 있는 것이 가장 필요해 보입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |