▶ Your Answer :
There are some people who take it for granted that the importance of having cooperation with others is increased than before. (Sounds bit awkward) However, I strongly disagree with the idea above; there exist roughly two subsequent reasons to backup my perspective. First, more and more people in nowadays prefer to stay individually. Second, today's society in nowadys tends to demand people to work personally.
First of all, as time goes by, people who enjoy being alone are increased. To be specific, there are a variety of societal services increased for people who prefer to be alone or who fall into a situation that they have to be alone, which actually makes others feel less reluctant to be individual, along with gives some ideas that how to amuse themselves even when there are no one shrouding them. (Too lengthy) Let me bring my personal story as an example, when I went back to Korea last year and stayed in Seoul for a week, I was used to go outside and saw how Korea looks like at a night time, and I realized that in most Korean restaurants, there were some tables and desks leaning on walls so that only one person can eat his or her dinner. Even some places only offered for single customers. These made me highly loose my awkward feeling toward people who stay alone.
On top of that, working alone single working is increasingly becoming one of the social trends. To be specific, in order to prevent from having people doing nothing, (What does it mean?) the targets of many programs or events for workers holding in Korea are freelancers or people working alone, which is an innovative change in Korea, since
our one of the most valuable traditional elements is cooperation. Accoding to recent survey done by HUcase Institue, a institutioni for analyzing the state of the citizen, the researchers report that in 2007, the percentage of people who work alone is 33%, whereas the one of others who collaborate with others while working is 67%. However, in 2017 the percentage of people working individually rose is rised twice times than before.
In conclusion, being able to work with others is not more significant than before because in nowadays more and more people prefer to be individual and tendancy of the way to work in today society is being alone. (Wrong sentence, What does it mean?) In this regard, I have a strong conviction that it is not more pivotal to work with others than before.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 1 | Score | Limited 15-17 | - 몇 개의 절로 구성된 장황한 하나의 문장은 2~3개의 문장으로 나누어 서술하여 주세요.
- 첫 번째 이유에서는 Topic 과 관련없는 내용이 서술이 되었습니다. Working with other people이 중요한지 안중요한지 아니라면 어떤 점이 중요한지를 밝혀주셔야하는 내용이었습니다.
|
|