▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think that people do not have to know about the events happening around the world, since it seems not to affect their daily life does not affect daily life. However, in my opinion, it is important to know the events happening around the world, although it is unlikely that they have an effect on your daily life. This is because any events can affect your life directly at any times and knowing about the world events can broaden the horizon of life. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, people tend to think that events happening in opposite side of the Earth from their country is not related to their daily life. They are little interested in the events as well as never worry about them. However, nobody can be sure that some events of opposite side of the Earth never happen on their country. Actually, some of the big events have happened on lots of nations at each time. For example, in 18th century, there was a big event, French Revolution, in France. This was a kind of democratic activity. At that time, nobody in Korea that was then named Choseon Dynasty though that this could be happen in Korea. After more than 200 years, Korean people went through democratic revolutions and activities such as 4.19, 5.18 and candle protest in 2016. Korean have suffered a lot to set up democracy in this country. If Korean could learn from French Revolution that happened in opposite side of the Earth from Korea about 200 years ago, they would not needed to suffer so much as they did.
Moreover, being interested in and knowing about the world events can broaden people’s horizon of life. This is an attitude as a world citizen. It can teach people how human lives and how societies grow. By learning about social phenomenon, they can gain a variety of and broader view points. For example, 6 years ago, I have watched an documentary about the serious poverty in Africa on TV. This experience made me interested in taking care of the poor in my nation. Since then, I have volunteered more than a day a week. Had it not been for watching and knowing about the social problem that is happening in too far away from me, I would never have been interested in volunteering.
To sum up, taking potential to happen in their nations at any time and broadening people’s horizon of life into account, I totally believe that people need to know about the events happening around the world, even though it is unlikely that they affects their daily life. Good: 24~30 점수: 26 일단 이 에세이에서 가장 좋았던 부분은 각 단락에서 보여지는 예시 부분입니다. 특히 프랑스 혁명과 20세기 들어오면서 일어난 한국에서의 혁명을 비교하면서 다른 나라에 있었던 사건들을 알고 있는 것이 좋다라고 주장하는 것은 아주 좋았습니다. 본인의 의견이 어떠하고 이것이 얼마나 설득력이 있는지를 보여줄 수 있었던 부분이였습니다. 또한 문법적인 오류들이 없습니다. 다만 아쉬운 좀은 불필요한 부연 설명이 많은 거 같습니다. 에세이를 서술하는데에 있어 시간을 아끼기 위해서는 장황하게 에세이를 서술하는 것 보다는 간결하게 본인의 의견을 제시할 수 있게 서술하는 것이 가장 좋은 거 같습니다. 이러한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
*words:430 *브레인스토밍(5분)부터 딱 59분 걸렸네요.. 이래서 될까 싶어요 ㅠㅠ |