▶ Your Answer :
In this highly competitive society, each
people has different characteristic. Such different characteristic defines how
individuals form their own personality. Due to the different characteristic,
people have different to define how to succeed with their own personality norm to define success. Some
people might have outgoing characteristic to form a lot of connection to mingle
with competitive society. However, I personally definitely different from other
people who just live in Korea for whole life because of two reasons; global
minded and thinking ability. for the following two subsequent reasons.
I
can define myself as global minded To begin with, I am global minded. Such characteristic was developed as I was
raised in foreign countries for 6 years. Firstly, what is global minded? Global
minded is a personality that is appropriate to survive in globalized society
where people can cope with different cultures (독립형 에세이에서는 간결하게 서술하는 것을 지향하기 때문에 이 부분은 필요가 없습니다). From the young adolescent,
because of my father’s job, me and my family lived in European countries for 6
years from Russia to Germany. As I was raised in Korea, it was hard to cope
with different culture at first when I went to Russia. However, as the time
develops, by learning new language; Russian and English, I was able to confront could confront with people from different culture background. Especially, school I went in
both Russia and Germany was international school I was able to meet people from
different variety of countries such as England, USA, Germany and Russia. In
Germany, a place where I developed global minded, by taking IB diploma,
understanding the globalization was initiated. Most classes were formed under a
lot of discussion where I talked different topic with different people from
different background. Such experience brought about the notion to acknowledge
different culture easily and cope with the globalized society.
Furthermore,
I am the person who consider a lot of thinking. As now society has become more
competitive, worries on how to live successfully make each individual
stressful. As I am now senior in university, such worries brought about great
depression thinking that how can I be employed in the place I really want to
go. The depression itself prevented me from personal life hindering sleeping.
Sleeping is the most important aspect for people to live healthy life, as the
worries prevented me from sleeping I could not concentrate on my daily lives.
However, I simplified my notion by thinking a lot and acting on such thinking. Thanks
to the transition of my thinking I was able to sleep well and concentrate on my
work efficiently I could change my perspective. Thinking is important for people as such norm brings about
how to live efficiently. However, without action upon thinking, the notion
itself will become useless. As I act upon it, from time to time, I was not able
to think about worries but rather act to become successful.
To conclude, every personality has
different background and characteristic. Two things that separate me from other
people are global minded and acting upon thinking. With two different notion,
they brought about a notion how to survive in the competitive society. In
highly competitive society, each person should have distinct characteristic to
survive. Through two different personality, I contend and hope to have
successful life in the future
점수: 24 일단 이 에세이는 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있습니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 너무 장황합니다. 에세이가 장황하다 보니 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 파악하기가 어렶습니다. 파악하기가 어렵다 보니 전쳊거으로 본레 자기가 전달하려고 하는 의미가 무엇인지 파악하기가 어려웠습니다. 두 번째는 두 번째 단락이 주제를 벗어났습니다. 이유를 선정할 때 항상 주제에 중점을 두면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |